


Lost Sister

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, No Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-07-29
Updated: 2005-03-30
Packaged: 2018-12-29 02:20:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12072561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian is one of a kind ... or is he?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Justin was sitting outside sipping some coffee at the Metro Café. It was a trendy café for college students in Dublin, Ireland. He had been living abroad for about eight months. PIFA had an exchange program for students in their third year, and Justin jumped at the opportunity. He needed to get as far away from Pittsburgh and Brian as he could. After walking out on Brian a second time, Justin figured he would be public enemy number one on their family’s “hit list.”   
Every one had been happy when they reconciled, even Michael. Sure Mikey got his digs in, but he could see how happy Brian was with Justin. The problem was Justin, he wasn’t happy. When he first approached Brian about taking him back, all he wanted was to be back in the ad-exec’s arms and back in his bed. He told Brian he knew what he could expect from the older man, and at the time he was alright with it, and they moved on.  
For a while things were really great. Brian opened up to him more than ever, and he felt they were truly on the road to a committed relationship. Justin treaded very carefully, he didn’t want to push Brian too hard, he knew what happened the last time. He just figured the natural progression would be the relationship he craved. The time they spent together undermining Jim Stockwell and his bid for mayor were some of the best times they had. Thanks to their schemes, the homophobe had lost the election. It was by a very small margin, but when his true colors were shown, the gay community stepped up, and as a result Jim Stockwell was still the chief of police and not mayor.  
Neither man had expected Brian to lose his job over the whole affair, so they were shocked when he did. Brian never blamed Justin, but he slowly started pulling away. He started tricking more and more, and treating Justin the way he had shortly before the artist left with Ethan. Justin tried very hard not to let it affect him. He had no claims on Brian, and couldn’t demand more of him, because the older man would just remind him of their deal when they got back together.  
Brian ended up starting his own agency. Apparently he was a greater asset to the firm than Gardner Vance ever realized. When some of their major accounts learned that Brian was no longer with the firm, they demanded to know where he had gone, because they wanted to follow. Cynthia got wind of this, and immediately reported back to Brian. Between the two they got Brian started in his own agency very quickly. Justin was very proud of his lover, even offered his services as unofficial head of the art department until Brian could hire more people. Surprisingly, Brian got a lot of business because of the Stockwell affair. Many large business owners were gay, and admired Brian for sacrificing himself for the better of their community.  
The problem was Brian himself. His old walls were back in place, and Justin was frozen out. To the untrained eye, they were just as “together” as always, but after Brian’s firing, a mountain rose up between the two, and Justin became tired of fighting. The end came one night when Brian had invited Justin over for dinner. They had decided living together would be a mistake, so Justin stayed with Daphne. Justin had let himself into the loft, and found Brian fucking some guy on the couch. Brian looked up and saw him standing there, but just continued. Justin left as quietly as he had come in.  
The next day he came back to the loft, and found Brian alone. The older man didn’t say anything, but his eyes spoke volumes. For once Justin wasn’t interested.  
“I can’t do this Bri.”  
“What are you talking about? You knew when we got back together …”  
“I know, and at the time I believed what I said. But I guess I didn’t mean it. In the back of my mind, I still hoped.”  
Brian sneered, “Hoped for what? That we would go strolling off into the fucking sunset?”  
“Yeah, something like that.”  
“Well if that’s what you expected …”  
“I didn’t come here to fight Brian. I just came to apologize.”  
“For what?”  
“For lying to you, even though I didn’t know it at the time. You’ll always be my dream Brian. You’ll always be the only man that I want, the only man that I need, but that’s just in my dreams. Reality is much different, and I guess I can’t handle it. So to answer your question from all those months ago. Yes, I didn’t get what I wanted, so I’m leaving. I don’t think I’m running away, I’m just accepting, you and I will never have the relationship that I want, and I’ve decided I won’t settle for something I don’t want. When I came back, I thought I could settle, as long as I was with you, but I’ve come to realize it’s not enough. So … goodbye Brian.”  
Justin turned and left the loft, his heart breaking, but he knew he had made the right decision, even if his heart didn’t think so. Thirty-six hours later he was on a plane bound for Ireland.

***

Brian watched Justin leave, and for the first time felt a level of regret that he didn’t know was possible. He knew he had disappointed the young man again. They had come so far this time around. Brian was truly happy with Justin, he barely tricked, and just enjoyed his time with the younger man. But then came the Stockwell “meltdown.” Brian didn’t blame Justin, he knew he was responsible for his own actions, but separating the blonde from the pile of rubble that used to be his career was impossible. In order to cope, he retreated back to “Brian Kinney’s Formula for Pain Management.” He knew he was hurting Justin, the blonde didn’t understand. They had come so far, but now they were back at square one.  
It took a few months for everything to completely fall apart. Brian opened his agency, and Justin had been by his side the whole time. He knew Justin was just going through the motions, just like he had in the weeks before he left Brian for Ethan. Brian knew that Justin sensed his tricking had increased again, and the artist didn’t understand. Brian couldn’t explain that everything he had worked for had fallen apart, and as much as he didn’t want to, there was a part of him that blamed the younger man for it.  
The showdown at the loft hadn’t surprised Brian at all. He knew when Justin walked in and found Brian with a trick, after he had been invited there would push the artist over the edge. What surprised Brian, was when they had the confrontation the next day, Justin didn’t rage, didn’t go off on Brian. In fact, he blamed himself, for falling into the trap of expecting too much again. In the end, he simply left, and Brian’s heart broke.  
He knew he could fix it, he just decided to wait a few days, let Justin cool down. Two days after the “showdown,” Brian went to Jennifer’s. He had been trying to get a hold of Justin, but had no luck. He figured Jennifer would know.   
Brian nervously knocked on Jennifer Taylor’s door, “Brian, what a surprise!”  
“Hi Jenn, I wondered if Justin was here? I’ve been trying to get a hold of him, and haven’t been able to.”  
Jennifer took a deep breath, “Justin left yesterday.”  
“What do you mean ‘left?’”  
“He decided to take his junior year abroad. He left yesterday.”  
“What?!?!” Justin had never mentioned this to him. “Where did he go?”  
Jennifer could see the raw emotion in the man who stood before her, but she had promised her son, “I’m sorry Brian, he asked me not to tell you.”  
Brian’s pain was there for her to see, “He did?”  
“Yes, and regardless of what I may personally feel about his decision, I won’t break my promise to him.”  
Brian nodded, “I understand.”

***

Justin quickly got settled in at Trinity College. He had a single dorm room, and even made some friends in his classes. He went out to the pubs, and explored the city. They had some great museums and art galleries. In some way, he still felt connected to Brian, by being in the country of his ancestors. He was sure Brian would eventually hear about him leaving the country. He was sure the older man might be a little upset, but would get over it. He liked his life uncomplicated, and Justin certainly complicated it. Justin knew that Brian loved him, but the ad-exec didn’t like chaos and drama in his life, and Justin was a master in those two fields. He could feel Brian pulling away from him again, and he had lost the will to fight.  
One afternoon, about two weeks after he’d arrived, Justin found himself strolling down the street, and literally crashed into someone.  
“Lad, you’d better watch where you’re going.”  
Justin looked up and found himself staring into the hazel eyes he loved so much. But it was all wrong. These eyes were open and laughing. As he focused his attention from the eyes, he found himself staring at a beautiful woman.  
“Are you ok?” The woman spoke with a beautiful Irish baroque.  
“Umm, yeah, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you.”  
“That’s ok Sunshine, these things happen.”  
“What did you call me?”  
“I’m sorry, you just have a ‘sunshine’ smile. I’m Caitlin.”  
“I’m Justin.”  
“Would you like to get a drink?”  
Twenty minutes later, they were sitting in a pub. Caitlin was a little unnerved by the way this young man was staring at her.  
“Would you care to tell me why you’re staring at me like you’ve seen a ghost?”  
“I’m sorry, you remind me of someone.”   
“Really? Someone special.”  
“You could say that. What is your last name?”  
Caitlin found this question odd, but answered anyway, “Kinney.”  
Justin almost fell off his stool, “This may seem like an odd question, but do you have relatives in America.”  
Caitlin’s eyes clouded over, “I was born in America. My parents couldn’t take care of me, so I was adopted by some distant cousins here in Ireland. I arrived here when I was a week old.” She felt uncomfortable answering these questions to a young man she had only just met.  
“Do you know anything about your parents?”  
“Look Justin, I don’t think it’s right to talk about these things with someone I have just met.” She got up and started to go.  
Justin took the chance, “Just one more question … please?” Caitlin turned and sat back down. Justin recognized the look on her face, it was the same one that Brian gave him whenever he was losing patience. “Are your parents’ names Jack and Joan Kinney?”  
Now it was Cait’s turn to be surprised, “What do you know about that?”  
“Please, I need to know.”  
Caitlin didn’t understand what was going on, but decided to continue, “Yes, but they were unable to care for me. I had a twin brother, who died at birth, and my parents knew they couldn’t care for me, so I was adopted by some of their distant relations here. My mother told me all about it. My parents loved me enough to give me away to a better life.”  
Justin had a feeling he was going to destroy this woman’s world, but something told him to continue. “Caitlin, I don’t think the story you have been given about your family has been entirely accurate.”  
“What are you talking about, and how could you know anything?” Familiar sparks were flying from those hazel eyes.  
Justin reached into his wallet, and pulled out a picture of Brian. He slid it across the table to Caitlin. She looked at the picture, and her eyes questioned Justin. “This is Brian Kinney. He is the son of Joan and Jack Kinney. He was born April 20th, 1971.”  
He watched Caitlin pale, “I don’t understand.”  
“Neither do I.”  
“Are you telling me this man is my brother?”  
“I don’t know, but you look just like him. Is April 20th your birthday?” The woman across from him nodded. “If it’s true, Brian doesn’t know.”  
“How do you know him?”  
“We used to be lovers.”  
Justin waited for some kind of negative response, but none was coming. “What do you mean ‘used to be?’”  
“That’s a long story, for another time.”  
“I don’t believe this, has my entire life been a lie?”  
“I don’t think so. I’ll tell you what I know, and what I think. Brian was never very forthcoming about his childhood, but I do know that Jack wanted Joan to have an abortion when he found out she was pregnant again.”  
“Again?”  
“Yes, there is an older daughter, Clair. Joan’s religious beliefs wouldn’t allow her to get an abortion. My guess is if she found out she was having twins, she knew Jack would never accept two new babies, so she would have made arrangements for you. I hate to say this, but you are lucky you were not raised by them.”  
“Why are you so sure they are even my family?”  
“Because you look just like Brian. You have the same facial expressions, and carry yourselves the same way.”  
“Justin, this is very overwhelming, I don’t know what to think. I need to talk to my parents.”  
“I understand. Here is my number, give me a call … if you want to.” Justin left the café, and the woman he knew to be Brian’s twin.

***

Caitlin walked into her parents’ house unannounced. Bridgit Kinney looked up from the stove, and found her daughter standing there, “Well hello sweetheart, to what do I owe this surprise?”  
Caitlin kissed her mother on the cheek, unsure about how to proceed. “Mama, I need to talk to you.”  
“Sure, what’s going on?”  
“I need you to tell me what you know about my birth parents.”  
Bridgit paled, Caitlin had never asked for more information than she had been given. “What do you mean?”  
“Well, you must know something.”  
“Well, your dad and I had been married for a few years and had no luck getting pregnant. Your dad got a call from a lawyer in the States. A distant cousin of his had gotten in a spot of trouble. Apparently he had gotten a girl pregnant, and there was no way they could raise the baby, so they asked if we could. We didn’t ask too many questions, we were just thrilled to get you. You were delivered to us by the lawyer and a nanny two days later. They told us that you’d had a twin brother who didn’t survive the delivery.”  
Caitlin slid the picture of Brian that Justin had given her across the table. Bridgit looked at the picture, she was staring at the male twin of her daughter, “Caitie, I don’t understand.”  
“Mama, I think you were lied to. I think this is my brother. I am so confused right now, I don’t know what to think.”  
“Where did you get this?”  
“I met an American boy today. We kind of collided in the street. He looked at me like I was a ghost. We went to the pub for a drink, and he told me about Brian Kinney. His parents are Jack and Joan Kinney, the same as mine … his birthday is April 20th 1971, the same as mine.”  
“Oh my god,” was all Bridgit could say.  
***

Justin waited anxiously for Caitlin to call him. The many emotions that he was going through had to pale in comparison to what Cait was going through. He knew in his heart that she was Brian’s sister. There was no other explanation. She was truly his twin, she copied his ex-lover in every way, except she was a woman. Justin wondered if he would hear from her again.

***

Three days later, the call came. “Justin?”  
“Cait?”  
“Hi, how are you?”  
“I’m a little bit overwhelmed.”  
“That’s understandable.”  
“Can, we meet? I think we need to talk.”  
“Sure, you name the place.”  
They met up at Eden, a restaurant in downtown. It was known for its local cuisine and atmosphere.  
Justin spoke first, “I’m surprised you called me.”  
“Me too.”  
“Did you talk to your parents?”  
“My mom. If what you say is true, she didn’t know anything about it. I told her about our meeting.”  
“What did she say?”  
“She was shocked. I’m not surprised, my mother would never lie to me. She was told the story that I told you, my parents were unable to care for me, and I was given up for adoption. It saddened her that that may not be the truth.”  
“What are you going to do?”  
“You’re going to take me to America.”


	2. Lost Sister

Justin almost chocked on his water at Caitlin’s statement, “What?”  
“I want you to take me to America. It seems to me all the answers would be there, and if your theory is correct, I have a family there that I want to meet.”  
“Cait, look, I’m not sure about this. First, we don’t know if you are related to the Kinneys that I know …”  
“That’s bullshit Justin, and you know it! I know in my heart it is true, and I believe you know it too.”  
“You don’t want to know your family. Your father is dead, but he was a drunk and a child abuser. Your mother is a sanctimonious, religious bitch, who never fails to tell someone they’re going to hell if they don’t believe her. Your sister is a cunt, excuse my crude language, who allowed her son to accuse Brian of molesting him when Brian caught him stealing money. I don’t know about your family here, but they’ve got to be better than that.”  
Caitlin noticed he left someone out, “What about Brian?”  
Justin felt unshed tears flood his eyes, “If you want to meet Brian, I can’t be apart of it. I can’t see him. He’s the reason that I am here. Besides, I don’t think my ass would be welcome in Pittsburgh anytime soon.”  
“Why?”  
“When I came to Dublin for school, I left Brian … again.”  
“What do you mean, again?”  
Justin laughed and looked at his watch, “How much time do you have?”

***

He began to spin the tale of Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor. He told Cait about meeting Brian when he was seventeen, and how he fell in love that first night. He talked about how relentlessly he pursued Brian, until the older man could do nothing but give in. Caitlin had tears in her eyes when he told her about the Prom, and how everything changed after that. Brian blamed himself so much for the bashing that he closed himself off in ways he never had before. He talked about those painful weeks before he left with Ethan. Caitlin saw the love in his eyes when Justin talked about their reunion. She felt the pain when Justin described how he needed to leave Brian again.  
“I never wanted to. I really believed that we would make it.”  
“What happened? It sure sounds like you guys loved each other a lot.”  
“I got tired of fighting.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I knew that Brian loved me, but he would never fight for me. When I wanted to leave, he let me go … both times. He may have loved me, but he never cared enough about us to fight for it. I know he loved having me around, in his life, in his bed, but it was all too easy for him to let go of if need be. I always fought for us, our relationship meant that much to me. Finally I knew that it would never be what I dreamed of. I felt terrible. I had lied to Brian again, I didn’t mean to, but it happened. I knew it would just be better if I left. That way I couldn’t grow bitter and resentful and hate him. I could just love him from afar and dream about what could have been. My plan was to take this year abroad and then figure out a way to stay for my senior year, and then settle in Europe somewhere, maybe Paris. It took me a long time to earn the forgiveness of my ‘pseudo-family’ the first time I left Brian, I wouldn’t be so lucky a second time. But then I come here, and meet you, and everything gets fucked up again.”  
Caitlin laughed, she sounded so much like Brian when she did that. Brian didn’t laugh much, but when he did, it put Justin’s ‘sunshine’ smile to shame. Justin loved to hear Brian laugh, and his heart was warmed everytime he heard Caitlin’s laugh. Being with Caitlin was like being with the best of Brian. The Brian who existed without walls, the Brian who was funny and smiled and laughed. Caitlin didn’t have the childhood that Brian did, she was raised by parents who loved her. Justin wondered what Brian would have been like if he had been raised by Cait’s parents.  
“Justin, I think fate brought us together. For me, it’s the chance to find my brother that I’ve missed my whole life. For you, it’s the chance to finally settle things with Bri.” Caitlin had started referring to Brian as ‘Bri,’ the way that Justin did. “I think we met because we both hold the missing pieces of each other’s lives. You have the power to reunite me with my twin, and I think I have the power to bring Brian back to you.”  
Justin looked at Caitlin with tears in his eyes, “Maybe you’re right Cait, maybe you’re right.”

***

Brian missed Justin more than he thought possible. He had been floored when Justin left him … again. He thought they were stronger this time. He thought Justin finally understood him, and he did. That was the problem. Brian’s problem was that Justin was stronger this time around. He tried to settle in order to be with Brian, but he couldn’t. Brian had to give the kid credit, this time he didn’t lie or screw around, he was honest. He wanted something Brian wouldn’t give, and he would no longer settle for anything else.  
Something Justin said to him the day he left stuck with Brian. He said he didn’t want to fight. Brian knew there was a double meaning in that statement. He didn’t want to have a knock down argument, but also he was tired of fighting for them. Brian knew it was Justin’s resolve and strength that kept them together. Brian never fought to keep them together. If Justin wanted to leave, Brian was always willing to let him go. He loved Justin, but he always told himself that he could live without him. He was learning the hard way that he couldn’t.  
When he went to Jennifer’s condo to find Justin, he was ready to fight. It never crossed his mind that that he wouldn’t be able to. When Jennifer told him that Justin left to spend his junior year abroad, his heart shattered. He sensed that Jennifer wanted to tell him where Justin was, but she had made a promise to her son. Brian knew the time had come to come clean with the “family.”

***

They were having dinner at Deb’s, a couple of days after Justin’s departure. Brian was immediately bombarded with questions when he showed up without Justin. For the first time in his life, Brian decided to be honest, and let his family into his life.  
“Justin’s gone.”  
His statement was met with surprise and shock. Deb was the first one to speak up, “What do you mean gone? What have you done this time?”  
“Ma!” Michael was indignant that his mom would assume that Justin’s departure was Brian’s fault.  
“Michael,” Brian’s tone stopped him, “it was my fault. He was tired. After I lost my job, I started pushing him away again. In some subconscious way, I blamed him for what happened. Even though I was responsible for my own actions, I still found it easy to blame him. If I hadn’t been with Justin, all those things wouldn’t have happened. I think he sensed it too. He was willing to take the blame, but he got too tired to fight. He was always the one to fight for me, to fight for us. I never did, I let him shoulder it all. I figured he knew what he was getting into when he came back, so I never expected him to get tired of it. When he left, there was no dramatic blowup, he just told me he couldn’t do it anymore, and was sorry that he lied to me. He blamed himself. Then he was gone.”  
The voice that spoke shocked everyone, it was Michael, “Well go get him back, and start shouldering your part in that relationship.”  
Brian was defeated, “I would if I could.”  
Mel spoke up, “What do you mean?”  
“Jennifer told me that Justin left to spend his junior year abroad, and he doesn’t want me to know where.”  
“Well, I’ll find out where he is!” This came from Deb.  
“No Deb, I don’t think so. I think Jennifer wanted to tell me, but she promised Justin. So we just have to hope that he’s ok, and I just have to hope that he will come home.”  
For the first time in their lives, everyone felt sadness for Brian Kinney. He had lost the best thing that ever happened to him, and he knew it.

***

Justin loved living in Dublin. There was so much art and culture that his artistic nature was over stimulated. The best thing though was Caitlin. They had come together because she was Brian’s sister, but she truly became his best friend and after a while it had nothing to do with Brian. When she told him she wanted him to take her to America, he was reluctant. He never planned to go back, but he knew that she needed to. She needed to find Brian. Justin told her he needed to finish the school year, but once that was done, they would go. He wouldn’t promise her that he would stay, but he promised to take her.  
Caitlin embraced him to her heart so openly, that Justin sometimes had a hard time believing she was related to Brian at all, let alone his twin. She introduced Justin to her entire family, aunts, uncles and cousins. Brian had a whole family that he never knew about, a wonderful family. A family that loved each other, and didn’t hurt each other. He knew that Brian would thrive if he ever came here, and Justin believed that he would. The most important people that Justin met were Caitlin’s parents.  
It was about six months into his stay that he let Caitlin drag him to her parents. Justin had been very reluctant. He didn’t have a lot of experience with adopted families, but he knew it had to hurt Caitlin’s parents that she was so enthusiastic about a connection to her biological family. She finally convinced him to come to a family dinner. It would just be the four of them, Caitlin, Justin and her parents, Bridgit and Seamus.  
Justin was a nervous wreck when he found himself standing on the doorstep of a modest house in a Dublin suburb. The door swung open, and he was pulled into a hug by an over enthusiastic Bridgit. Justin felt like he was at Debbie’s. Bridgit was short and stocky with long wild red hair. She embraced him like a mother who hadn’t seen her son in a long time.  
“Well it’s about time you graced our doorstep Sunshine. Caitlin has talked about you so much, we were beginning to think you were a figment of her imagination.”  
“Well Mrs. Kinney …”  
“Oh no, you will call me mom, or if nothing else, Bridgit.”  
“Ok Bridgit.” Justin was led into the house, he saw Cait standing with her father. The man was an older version of Brian.  
“Hello Justin, I’m Seamus Kinney, it is a pleasure to meet you. Caitlin has told us so much about you.”  
The evening passed by in such a blur. Justin opened up about the Pittsburgh family. Seamus and Bridgit were particularly interested in hearing about Brian. Justin didn’t know if it was the ale or the company, but he shared what he knew about Brian’s childhood with his and Cait’s biological parents.  
Bridgit’s green eyes filled with tears and she held her husband’s hand, “If they really didn’t want them, why couldn’t they have given Brian to us too?”

***

Caitlin and Justin went for a walk after dinner. Caitlin sensed the silence in her friend, “What are you thinking about?”  
“You’re parents are really great.”  
“Yeah they are.”  
“I just think about how different things would have been for Brian if he had been raised by them, and raised with you.”  
“But if he had, he never would have met you.”  
“That would be ok, he would have been loved and maybe he would have been happy.”  
Caitlin was amazed at the love her young friend had for the brother she had never met.

***

Time passed quickly, and Justin’s school term was coming to an end. He knew the decision to go back to Pittsburgh had been made when he filled out the course schedule for his final year. Caitlin was not very subtle about Justin taking her to Pittsburgh. They hadn’t talked much about it, but when she helped Justin select his senior year courses, she knew they were going.  
Justin only kept in touch with his mom and Daphne. He didn’t tell either one of them about Caitlin, or his adoption into the “Irish Kinney” family. He wasn’t sure why, but his relationship with Caitlin and her family was something he wanted to keep to himself as long as possible.  
He and Caitlin began preparing for their return to America. Justin e-mailed his mom and told her he was coming home with a friend of his that he had met, and could she stay with them for awhile? Jennifer was so ecstatic that her son was coming home she wouldn’t deny him anything. She also wanted him to come home so he could be reunited with Brian. Jennifer hadn’t seen Brian since the day he had come looking for Justin, but Deb kept her posted. She knew Brian was a wreck without Justin. All he did was work. He never went out to the clubs. His life was consumed with work. Jennifer’s heart broke for the man her son loved. There was so many times she wanted to tell him where Justin was, but she was bound by her promise. All she could do was hope that when Justin came home, he and Brian would find there way back to each other.

***

Justin and Caitlin made their plans to go to Pittsburgh. Seamus and Bridgit were heartbroken at their imminent departure, but they understood that Cait was doing what she needed to do. There hearts and prayers also went out to the young man they had come to love like a son. He was the soul-mate of their lost boy. Since they had met Justin, and learned about Brian, they considered him their lost son, and prayed for the day he would come home to them.  
The day finally came when Justin and Cait were to leave. Seamus and Bridgit took them to the airport. Neither one of them tried to hide their tears. They hugged Justin and then Caitlin. Caitlin whispered to her parents, “Mommy and Daddy, I love you, and I will bring my brother home.”


	3. Lost Sister

Justin and Caitlin sat silently in their seats. They hadn’t spoken a word to each other since they said goodbye to Seamus and Bridgit. Caitlin had been fiddling with an envelope in her hands. Justin asked her about it.  
“It’s a letter from my mom.”  
“Why don’t you open it?”  
“I’m scared.”  
“Let’s read it together.”  
Caitlin nodded silently. Justin took the envelope from her and opened it. He recognized Bridgit’s elegant script …

My Darling Caitlin,  
I know that you are doing what you need to do. The desire to find one’s roots is powerful. I want you to know that your home is here, in Ireland, regardless of what you find in America. I want you to find your brother, and bring him home, to us. You are my baby girl, and you always will be, just like Brian is my baby boy. I couldn’t select a better partner for him than Justin. The way he loves our Brian makes my heart sing. You help bring our boys back together, and then bring them home. Daddy and I will be waiting.  
Love,  
Mommy

Caitlin and Justin were both crying when they finished reading Bridgit’s letter.  
“Cait, I can’t promise Bridgit anything. I am taking you to Pittsburgh to reconcile your past, but I am not looking to reconcile with Brian. That’s in the past. I will help you find your way to him, and then I am going to leave again.”  
“What about your senior year at PIFA?”  
“I plan on staying for that. I figure you and Brian will be distracted enough by each other, that I will be able to get through the year. Then I will move to Paris.”  
“But Justin, what about you and Brian?”  
“Cait, Brian and I are over. You said it was fate that we met … well that fate was to bring you and Brian together, not reunite us.”  
“You don’t know that!”  
“Yes I do. I love Brian, but I’m not ‘in love’ with him anymore.”  
“How can you say that?”  
“Cait, I’ve had a whole year to deal with this. I am not in love with Brian. He will always be important in my life, but I don’t want to be with him anymore. He will never be who I need him to be, and because of that I don’t want to be with him anymore. I need you to understand that, and respect it. You are my best friend, but you have to accept that it is not in the cards for Brian and I to be together.”  
Caitlin saw the determination in her friend’s eyes and decided to let it go, but she didn’t believe him for one second.

***

Justin and Caitlin arrived at Jennifer’s townhouse. Justin rang the bell, he didn’t feel it was appropriate to walk in, it wasn’t his home. Jennifer answered the door, and swept the son she hadn’t seen in a year to a warm embrace. When she was finished, she turned her attention to Justin’s companion. She was shocked to find herself looking into the female eyes of Brian Kinney.  
“Mom, this is my friend, Cait. Cait this is my mom.”  
“It’s really nice to meet you Mrs. Taylor.”  
Jennifer shock the woman’s hand and led them inside.

***

Caitlin had gone upstairs to unpack, so Jennifer took the opportunity to confront Justin, “Who is she?”  
Justin knew that his mom wouldn’t be fooled, “She’s Brian’s sister, his twin sister.”  
Jennifer was not expecting this, she collapsed onto the couch, “What?”  
“Cait is Brian’s sister, she was adopted right after they were born.”  
“But how?”  
“We met in Dublin, I recognized her right away. She’s the only reason I came home.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Mom, I had no intention of coming back. I was going to finish school in Ireland and then move to Paris. The only reason I decided to take my senior year at PIFA is Cait. She needs to meet Brian, they need to know each other. I promised her I would bring her here, but I told her I am leaving after I graduate.”  
“She looks just like him.”  
“She’s the best of Brian. She’s open and loving and has no walls, that’s why I brought her here, to reconcile her past.”  
“I hope you know what you’re doing.”  
“I do. Please don’t tell anyone that I am home.”  
“I promise.”

***

Justin and Caitlin spent their first day back in Pittsburgh at City Hall. They were able to get Cait’s birth records pretty easily. Her birth certificate had never been altered like Brian’s had. It clearly stated that she was born to Jack and Joan Kinney, and that she had been a “double” birth. Any doubts they had about her paternity was quickly destroyed. Justin left the decisions up to Cait about how she wanted to proceed. She decided that she wanted to see her mother first.  
Justin and Cait drove up to Brian’s childhood home. Justin had never been here before. He felt Cait’s apprehension. He squeezed her hand, “I’m here with you.”  
Cait nodded and knocked on the door. Joan Kinney opened the door and eyed the two people standing before her. She recognized the young man as Brian’s “boy” but she didn’t know the woman, although she looked familiar.  
“Can I help you?”  
Until this moment, Cait didn’t know what she was going to say to the woman who gave her away. The woman looked at her with such distate, that Caitlin’s true genetic identity came through, “I wanted to meet you, ‘Mother.’”  
“Excuse me, I don’t know you.”  
“Of course you don’t, you gave me away when I was three hours old, how could I expect you to recognize me.”  
Joan turned to Justin, “Is this something my son set up. Who do you people think you are?”  
Justin had remained suspiciously calm, “Mrs. Kinney, I assure you, Brian knows nothing about this. He doesn’t even know that Caitlin exists.”  
“I want the two of you off my property before I call the police.” With that she slammed the door in their face. Caitlin turned to Justin with tears in her eyes, and all she could do was cry.

***

Justin drove Cait to the park, and held her as she cried. He knew there were no words he could say to help her, so he just held her. When her sobs subsided, she looked into Justin’s eyes. “Thanks.”  
“My pleasure.”  
“I didn’t expect to feel like this. I just thought I would meet her, exchange a few pleasantries and then go on with my life.”  
“Well you met her, you didn’t exchange pleasantries and you will go on with your life. I only met her once before, and I’ll never forget the way she talked to Brian, spewing acidic venom with every word. It has nothing to do with you, in fact, maybe it was the slight part of her that’s human that made her give you away. Maybe, for a brief second, she was able to love you enough to do the right thing.”  
“You’re a sap!”  
Justin slapped her arm, “Hey, I’m trying to be reflective here!”  
“Whatever, Sunshine!”

***

Justin and Cait went back to Jennifer’s. Both were surprised to find her home. Justin had mentioned they were going to see her mother, and she knew it would be hard. If Jennifer had learned anything from Justin and Debbie, it was that Joan Kinney was a cruel mean woman, and since Cait’s own, loving mother was so far away, Jennifer knew the young woman would need her.  
Jennifer enveloped Cait in a tight loving embrace. She felt the younger woman relax in her embrace. Jennifer kissed her temple, offering silent support. She knew that no words would comfort Brian’s sister, she only hoped her embrace helped. Jennifer’s mind wandered. Would Brian be like this loving woman if he had been raised in a house of love? She began to regret all the horrible things she used to think about Brian. Caitlin was Brian’s genetic double, and she was a beautiful, loving woman that Jennifer would have been proud to call a daughter, if things had been different, would she had loved to call Brian a son? She regretted promising Justin that she wouldn’t tell anyone about what was going on.

***

Brian was sitting in his office. He heard loud voices outside his door. Within seconds the door flew open, and his mother flew in. She looked like a banshee on crack. Brian sat back in his chair and gave her a look of disinterest. He figured the ‘warden’ would reveal the reason for her presence soon enough.  
“How did you find out?”  
“What are you talking about?”  
“How did you find out about your sister?”  
“What about Clair, has she finally had that lobotomy I’ve been hoping for.”  
“I’m talking about sending your ‘boy’ to my home with that woman, claiming to be my daughter.”  
Now Brian was completely confused, “If you’re talking about Justin, I haven’t seen or spoken to him in almost a year, so I have no idea what you are talking about.”  
Joan realized that that blonde boy had spoken the truth, Brian had no idea. “Never mind.” She tossed out that last sentence as she left the office.  
Brian found himself as confused by this interaction with his mother as he had been countless times before. Only one thing she said registered in brain, his ‘boy,’ did that mean Justin was back? Brian grabbed his jacket and raced out the door.

***

Justin and Cait were just lounging around the condo. After the devastating scene with Joan, they needed to regroup. Justin was grateful he had such a great mom. Since Bridgit was so far away, he was glad his mom could ‘mother’ Cait when she needed it so badly.   
After dinner, Cait had gone upstairs to call Bridgit.  
“Mommy.”  
“Hi baby, how are you?”  
“I met her today.”  
Bridgit caught her breath, “How did it go?”  
“It was awful. She was even worse than Justin told us. Mom, I’m so mad that Brian had to grow up with her.”  
“I know baby, it’s hard to realize a mother can be so cruel to her children.”  
“Justin’s mom is great, you’d really like her.”  
“Well maybe I’ll get to meet her someday. Have you met Brian yet?”  
“No, Justin is adamant that I do it on my own. He refuses to be apart of it. Mom, he really has no plans to try and fix things with Brian. He claims he is only here for me, and as soon as he finishes school he is going to move to Paris.”  
“Well, you have the better part of a year to get them together. That strength of will is a part of your ‘Kinney’ legacy.”  
“I don’t know, Justin has his mind made up, and I haven’t even met Brian yet. Who knows if we’ll even get along?”  
“Caitlin Marie! Your hearts beat together for nine months. You have loved and missed your brother for 32 years. How can you even think that he won’t love you? How do you know that somehow he has known you and missed you for all these years? You’re a smart girl, everything will be fine.”  
“Are you ok that I won’t be home?”  
“Caitie, your father and I will miss you, but you are doing what you need to do. Daddy and I will be here and waiting for they day you bring your brothers home to us.”  
“I love you mom.”  
“I love you too.”

***

Brian drove over to Jennifer Taylor’s condo like a man possessed. He couldn’t think of anywhere else Justin would be if he had, indeed, come home. He didn’t remember anything else about his mother’s intrusion, just that she said she had seen his ‘boy.’  
He parked on the street and slowly walked up to the door. He paused before knocking. He had never been so nervous in his entire life. After knocking, he heard a female voice cry, “I’ll get it.”  
The front door opened, and Brian found himself staring into his own eyes.


	4. Lost Sister

Brian found himself staring into a pair of hazel eyes that mirrored his own. He could barely breathe. He looked up and saw Justin standing on the staircase, with a shocked look on his face. Brian could barely tear his eyes away from the woman standing before him, he couldn’t register that the man he loved was standing a few feet away.  
Justin descended the staircase. He offered one glance to Brian and then his attentions were turned to Cait. He gently placed his hand on her shoulder, “I think the two of you need to go and talk.”  
Cait turned to look at her best friend, and silently nodded. She took Brian’s hand and pulled him away from the door. Brian opened the car door for Cait, and then got into the driver’s seat.  
Justin watched as the car pulled away. He was worried about both of them. This was not the scenario that he and Cait had planned. Cait had expected to be more prepared before coming face to face with her brother. The fact that she was blindsided worried Justin greatly.

***

The two siblings rode in silence. Brian wasn’t sure what had happened. He raced over to Jennifer Taylor’s anticipating a confrontation with his former lover. Instead he had been greeted by a pair of hazel eyes that matched his own. Joan’s words were flooding his brain, “how did you find out about your sister?” Brian didn’t know what was happening, but he felt the woman beside him held the answers.  
He pulled into the diner’s parking lot. He walked around and opened the passenger door. Where did that come from?  
“Thank you,” the words were spoken in such a tender Irish baroque that Brian almost melted.  
They walked into the diner. Brian was thankful to find the diner almost empty. They found their way to an empty booth. Deb appeared, too quickly, and looked at the two. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Sitting before her was the female incarnation of Brian Kinney. Before she could stop it, her mouth opened, “Who the fuck are you?”  
Brian recovered first, “Deb, this is my sister …”  
“Caitlin.” His twin finished for him.  
Deb pushes herself into the booth, “Kinney, you have some explaining to do.”  
Brian took a deep breath, “Deb, I’ll explain it to you as soon as I understand it. Could you leave us alone to talk?”  
The look in Brian’s eyes was so confused and vulnerable that Deb could do nothing but comply with his request. She looked at the two. They were both beautiful. They had the same features, the same hazel eyes, the same hair, the only difference was the look in their eyes. Deb knew Brian’s eyes, they were always clouded and guarded, except when he was with Sunshine. Deb still didn’t know the details of their latest split. It had been over a year, and Justin was nowhere to be found. Brian had retreated back into himself, but his sarcastic, asshole persona had been replaced. He seemed almost lost. Deb saw the eyes of this woman Brian claimed as his sister. Her eyes were open and accepting, full of love and peace. Deb knew that something monumental had happened.  
“Thanks for filling in your name, I can’t believe I didn’t know it.”  
Cait smiled, “How could you? We’ve never met before. And as far as I know, psychic powers are not a part of our genes.”  
“Who are you?”  
Caitlin pulled the copy of her birth certificate from her pocket and pushed it over to Brian. He read the unaltered document. “I don’t understand, my birth certificate lists me as a single birth.”  
“From what I understand, if an adoption was involved, birth certificates can be altered.”  
“What happened?”  
“I don’t really know Brian, but I’ll tell you what I’ve been told. I was sent to Ireland when I was a few days old. I was adopted by Seamus and Bridgit Kinney. From what I can gather, they are distant cousins of your father’s. I was told right from the start that I had been adopted, and that I’d had a twin brother who died at birth. My parents were always upfront with me. They found they couldn’t have children, so when they were contacted by a lawyer in America about a child that had been born to American cousins they jumped at the chance. They were told that my birth parents couldn’t care for me, and gave me up for adoption. Their first choice had been to give me to relatives in Ireland. That’s really all I have ever been told.”  
“I guess you know that the truth is very different. Fuck! I don’t even know what the truth is.”  
Caitlin reached across the table and held Brian’s hand, “We’ll find the truth together.”  
Brian nodded, “Can you explain how Justin is involved. I mean obviously you know him, you were at his mother’s house, but what the fuck. I went over there today because I heard he was home.”  
“How did you hear that? Justin made his mother promise not to tell anyone.”  
“Joanie came to my office today … our mother. She was spouting off about me setting her up, how did I find out about my sister, did me and my ‘boy’ set her up? All I could register was that she had seen Justin the day before, and I took off running.”  
“Well, we’ll save the reasons for that reaction for another time. Justin and I met in Dublin. I know you don’t know anything about what he’s been up to for the last year, and I’m sure there are a lot of things he needs to tell you himself, so I will only reveal what is applicable to my story. Justin and I literally ‘ran’ into each other on the street about a year ago. He was in Dublin taking his junior year at Trinity College. We collided, had a laugh about it, but he looked at me like he had seen a ghost. We went to the pub for a drink and he started asking me questions.”  
Brian had his trademark tongue-in-cheek smirk, “He’s good at that.”  
Cait returned with the same smirk that unnerved Brian, but warmed him at the same time, “He sure is. The first thing he asked me was my last name. Then he asked if I had any relatives in America. I told him about being born in America and then being sent to Ireland. Then he asked me if I knew anything about my birth parents. I thought the conversation was getting a little too odd and I excused myself. He stopped me and wanted to ask me one more question. I indulged him that, he asked if my parents were Jack and Joan Kinney. This floored me because I knew those were my parents’ names. He showed me a picture of you, and told me your name, your parents’ names and your birthdate …”  
“April 20, 1971.”  
Caitlin looked into the hazel eyes, mirror images of her own, “The same as mine.”

***

Brian and Caitlin finished their meal at the diner. They slipped out in order to avoid another confrontation with Deb. Brian drove them down to the river. “This was always my favorite place to go when I wanted to be alone.”  
“I always went to the River Liffey in Dublin. The water always seemed to calm me.”  
Brian looked at Cait, “The water always did the same for me too. I’m going to make some assumptions about what happened, so I may be wrong. When Jack found out Joanie was pregnant with … us, he demanded that she get an abortion. Her religious views wouldn’t allow to have an abortion. I am guessing that at some point she found out she was having twins. Jack was already angry about having another kid, so two would have sent him over the edge. I’m pretty sure he didn’t know about you. He wasn’t there the night that I was born, so if you were adopted within a few days, I’m guessing he was none the wiser. The fact that Joanie gave you away was probably the most loving thing she’s done for any of her children.”  
“That’s what Justin and Jennifer said.”  
“Those Taylor’s are pretty perceptive.”  
“They sure are. Justin is my best friend. Our friendship started because of you, but it quickly evolved into something that had nothing to do with you. I demanded that he bring me here. It took a lot of persuading, but he finally agreed.” Caitlin knew there were confidences between her and Justin that she couldn’t share with her brother. She only hoped they would find their way back together. It was going to be complicated playing both sides from the middle, but Cait knew that she was up to it.

***

Justin waited up for Cait to return. He had geared himself up for a big confrontation with Brian, but he had simply dropped Caitlin off and drove away. Caitlin came into the darkened condo and found Justin on the couch. She figured he would be waiting. They hadn’t come up with a plan to introduce her to Brian, but today’s events was not what they were expecting.  
“Hey Cait!”  
“Hey!”  
“So … ?”  
“It went really well. We just fleshed out some of the past. I’m not sure of the map we’re supposed to take, I guess we’ll just see how it goes.”  
“Sounds like a good plan.”   
“Justin, I’m not going to take sides, or be an intermediary between the two of you.”  
“I wouldn’t ask you to. I told you why I came back, and that was to bring you here. I’m not looking to reconcile with Brian. I will finish school, and then I’m going to go to Paris, like I had originally planned.”  
“I know, I’m only telling you this because I think Brian might try to use me. Not in a bad way, but I think he still cares deeply for you, and may see me as a way to get back to you. I wanted you to know that I won’t play that game.”  
“Thanks Cait. But I think you are overestimating Brian’s feelings for me and our situation. He let me go the last time. I broke our deal, I wanted more than he would give me. He was probably glad for me to go. The best thing I can say about our last break-up is that I didn’t lie to him or cheat on him. I was honest, and I left. And he let me go, no apologies, no regrets. I appreciate that you think there is some great romance to fix, but it’s not true. I’m going to graduate and move to Paris, just like I planned.”  
Caitlin held her tongue. She knew Justin well enough to recognize that he was reading a script from his mind. She knew he wanted to be with Brian, she only hoped her best friend and her brother would find their way back to each other.

***

After dropping Caitlin at Jennifer Taylor’s, Brian headed back to the diner. He knew Deb would be chomping at the bit, and decided to deflect her blows. He walked in, and she immediately tackled him.  
“Sit down,” then she yelled to no one in particular, “I’m taking my break! So kiddo, what’s up?”  
“Well it seems Jack and Joanie have more secrets than we ever knew about. It appears I have a twin sister that was sent off to live with relatives in Ireland.”  
“Oh my god, Brian.”  
“Deb, I don’t know what to think. I mean, she is my twin. Just look at her. Her birth certificate lists Jack and Joan Kinney as her parents, her birthday is the same as mine …”  
“Brian, honey, isn’t this a good thing?”  
“Of course it is, I think. I don’t know what to think. It’s really complicated.”  
“How did she find you?”  
“That’s the most fucked up thing of all … Justin brought her here.”  
“Sunshine, but how?”  
“Well apparently his ‘junior year abroad’ was in Ireland, and they met. They became best friends, and Caitlin begged Justin to bring her here. She told me she was not going to get in the middle, but from what I gathered, Justin was not planning to come home until this development.”  
“Wow, kiddo, you are in the middle of one fucked up situation.”  
“Tell me about it.”

***

The next morning, Justin decided he had some plans to make. He would go to the diner and see if he could get his old job back. He also needed to figure out a living situation. He knew he couldn’t stay at his mom’s, but he also felt responsible for Cait. She found him looking at the want-ads.  
“What are you reading Sunshine.” Justin found it ironic that Cait used the same endearment towards him that his Liberty Avenue family had used for him.  
“I’m looking at apartment listings.”  
“Why?”  
“I can’t stay with my mom for the year, that won’t work, so I need to find a place. I’m also going to see if I can get my old job at the diner back.”  
“Well, I have an idea. Let’s get a place together. I figure I’ll be here at least a year. Take me with you to the diner, the only thing I’ve ever done is wait tables, so maybe I can get a job there too.”  
“Are you sure that you want to work in the middle of ‘queer central?’”  
“If that’s where my family and friends are, then yes. Besides, I’ll fit right in.”  
“Why Cait, are you finally coming out to me?”  
Caitlin laughed, “I guess I am, I just figured you would guess.”  
“I had my suspicions, I mean you never talked about boyfriends or anything. I’m just surprised you didn’t tell me, since I’m queer and all.”  
“I really hadn’t figured everything out myself. I’m sure you realize that Dublin isn’t the most diverse place. I mean sure there’s a gay district, but I just didn’t know. But meeting you, and my brother, well now I know. So, should we go see about our jobs?”  
The two friends laughed.

***

They went into the diner around ten o’clock. They caught the lull between the breakfast and lunch crowds. They found Deb working, and as soon as she saw them, a huge smile took over her face.  
“Sunshine, Irish, go get a table, I’ll be right with you!”  
Justin and Caitlin found a table and sat down, Cait whispered to Justin, “Sunshine?”  
“Debbie’s been calling me that since I was seventeen, that’s why I was so taken aback when you called me that the day we met.”  
“What’s with ‘Irish?’”  
“Deb nicknames those she loves, I guess that means you’re part of the family.”  
“But she doesn’t even know me.”  
“Deb has a heart bigger than the whole world. She took me into her home when she barely knew me because my dad kicked me out. She started mothering me the first night she met me. I doubt it will be any different with you.”  
At that moment, the subject of their conversation came to their table. She scooted Justin over and sat down. She gave him a big kiss on the cheek, “It’s good to see you Sunshine,” then she smacked him on the back of the head, “but if you ever disappear like that again I will hunt you down.”  
“Thanks Deb, I wasn’t expecting you to welcome me back.”  
“Why wouldn’t I, you’re family.”  
“Because I left him … again.”  
“Look Sunshine, I don’t know why you and Brian split up again, but I’m sure you did what you needed to do. But being with Brian is not a condition for you to be a member of our family. Sure, we met you because of him, but we love you because of you.”  
Justin chuckled, “Even Michael?”  
“When Brian told us that you were gone, Michael was the first person to tell him to go and get you back.”  
Justin was not expecting this, “Really?”  
“Yeah baby, he loves you like a little brother. You had a rough start, and you know why, but he loves Ben, and he has finally come to terms with his childhood crush on Brian. He finally understands.”  
All Justin could do was nod, “I’m glad, for him. I think he and Ben will have a great future, as for Brian and I, it’s over, but that’s another tale for another time.”  
Debbie understood, so she turned her gaze to Caitlin, “Now, about you.”  
Caitlin giggled, Debbie noticed how her manner was like Brian’s, but without the walls, “I was wondering when I would get this.”  
“Brian came back after he took you home, he told me everything, well everything that is known at this time.”  
“There’s still a lot of questions to be answered, but all that matters right now is that we have found each other.”  
Deb smiled at the younger woman, “So what do you two want to eat?”  
“Actually Deb, we came to see you about jobs.”


	5. Lost Sister

Justin and Cait were getting ready for dinner. Brian decided the gang needed to meet Cait. All three were shocked that Debbie hadn’t told anyone. For once she decided to butt out, and let Brian reveal his sister in his own time. The dinner came about a week after his initial meeting with Cait. A lot had transpired that week. Brian spent all his free time with Cait. He was obsessed with getting as close to her as he could. Justin knew that the older man was reveling in having a sibling he could actually have a relationship with. He gave the reunited siblings their space.   
Ironically, relations between the former lovers weren’t too bad. They had not been alone since Justin came home, so there were no confrontations. Brian usually waited in the car when he was picking up Cait. The few times that he actually came into the condo, the two were very polite and civil to each other. Although Brian knew eventually he and Justin would have to talk, he primary focus was his growing relationship with Cait.  
Brian had never known the joy that could be had in sibling relationships. His relationship with Claire had been nothing but acrimonious. They had never gotten along, and now their relationship was non-existent. The final blow had come when Claire’s son had accused him of molestation. Joanie and Claire never thought for a moment that the accusation had been bullshit, they immediately thought the worst of him. Brian knew his relationship with them had been destroyed … forever.  
Caitlin Marie Kinney. Just thinking about her took Brian’s breath away. Not in a romantic, sexual way. For 32 years Brian had felt something was missing in his life. He always assumed it was the lack of his family’s love. For awhile that void had been filled by Justin, but even in his best times with Sunshine, he always felt there was something missing in his life. Learning that he was a twin, and having that twin return to him, filled the void immediately. Their hearts had beat together for nine-months, and to be ripped apart right after birth, had left a hole inside both of them.  
One night when they were having dinner, Cait revealed some secrets of her own.   
“Bri … I want to tell you something.”  
“What is it?”  
“Well you know how you told me you’d always felt that void, and you never knew where it came from?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Well it was the same for me. I knew I was a twin, and even though I had been told you died, somehow I knew you didn’t. I never really thought you did. Because of circumstances, I never fleshed it out, but somehow I knew that you existed. I knew that somewhere in this world, my twin brother was alive and well. I never knew what to do about it, I never planned to do anything about it … until I met this blonde ‘twink’ and everything changed.”  
“I think I can relate to that.” Brian and Cait never talked about their relationship with Justin. Cait was still trying to ‘play both sides from the middle.’ Brian was too overwhelmed by his growing relationship with his sister to really focus on Justin at all. He knew that at some point he would have to, but he couldn’t right now.

***  
Cait was a nervous wreck. The only person, outside of Brian and Justin, that Cait had met was Debbie. She had heard stories about the ‘infamous’ Liberty Avenue family from both Brian and Justin. One thing she and Brian didn’t share was confidence. Brian’s bravado and confidence had come from years of self preservation, but Cait still could feel vulnerable when she was put on display, and she knew that tonight she would be on display.  
Justin sensed Cait’s nervousness. He could understand how she was feeling. He remembered being subjected to the “Liberty Avenue” family while he was an outsider. They were very intimidating … not intentionally, but they were a unit that protected their own. Outsiders were treated with suspicion, until they were granted membership in the “family.” Justin had experienced that, David never fully made it in, he was gone too soon, but Ben had gone the full gamut.  
He caught Cait fussing with her hair again, “You look beautiful.”  
Cait whipped around to face him, “What?”  
“I know you’re nervous, but it will be ok. Brian wouldn’t subject you to this if he didn’t think everything would be ok. That’s not his style. So you need to gather that ‘Kinney’ confidence and charisma, and knock their socks off.”  
“Do you really think so?”  
“I know so, now let’s go.”

***

Brian was surveying the scene at the loft. Everyone had arrived, except the two most important ones. He was a little uncertain if subjecting Cait to the whole family at once was a good idea, but he had always thought that ripping the band-aid off quickly was less painful, so that’s what he was doing tonight.  
The whole queer family was present, Deb, Vic, Emmett, Ted, Michael, Ben, Melanie, Lindsey and Gus, the only people missing were Justin and Cait. Brian could tell everyone was curious about the “summons” they had received. Debbie was the only one who had an inkling about what was going on. Brian thrived on dramatic gestures, and she had a feeling tonight would be no different.  
Deb had only met Caitlin twice, once with Brian and once with Justin. She immediately wanted to envelop the young woman in her arms. She was everything that Brian wasn’t, on the surface. She didn’t hide her feelings and emotions behind years of carefully erected walls. She smiled, easily and freely, and laughed with a lilting Irish baroque. Deb knew she was seeing the type of person Brian could have been if he hadn’t been raised in hell. She hoped this unexpected reunion would have a positive impact on the man the loved like a son. Perhaps the hole inside of him would be filled by the reunification of his “other half.”  
The “family” was so engrossed in their conversations amongst themselves that no one noticed Justin and Cait’s entrance into the loft. They came in quietly, and Justin surveyed the scene awaiting them. He knew everything would be ok. He caught Brian’s eye, and the older man walked over to them. This caught everyone else’s attention, and they turned to look to see who had arrived. Their initial surprise was because of Justin. They knew the artist had left over a year ago, and no one was aware of his return. Shock would describe the looks on their faces as they saw Justin’s companion. Standing in Brian’s loft was his identical twin, only she was a woman. Brian slipped his hand into Cait’s and led her into the living room.  
“Guys, I would like you to meet Caitlin Kinney … my sister.”

***

Shock would be an understatement to describe the group’s reaction to Brian’s announcement. At first no one could say a word. Then the loft erupted in chaos. Everyone was speaking at once, “What the hell?” “Are you mad?” “Huh?” “What are you talking about?”  
Brian waited until everyone had quieted down. He was prepared for this, and waited until the shock had passed and the family looked at him in expectation. This was a three part narrative, one that he, Cait and Justin would tell. “If everyone is ready to shut up, we’ll tell you what we know.”  
While everyone had been talking, Gus had gotten away from his mothers and walked over to Cait. She bent down to be at the level of the three year old replica of Brian. “Well hello little man.”  
Gus reached his arms to Caitlin, and she picked him up, “Look like dada.”  
Everyone was shocked, they knew Gus didn’t really respond to strangers, yet he had boldly walked up to this woman and allowed her to pick him up. That gesture alone spoke volumes. No one was more shocked than Lindsey. To see a female version of Brian rocked her to her very core.  
Brian looked at Cait and urged her to speak. “Well, I guess first things first, like Brian told you my name is Caitlin.” Everyone was shocked to hear her Irish accent. “I was raised in Ireland by Bridgit and Seamus Kinney. They are distant cousins of Brian’s … I mean our father, Jack. They were told they couldn’t have children, and were eventually contacted by an American lawyer. Apparently an American cousin had a baby that couldn’t be taken care of, and would my parents be interested in adopting. Well you didn’t have to ask them twice. So I was raised in Dublin. My parents had been told that I had a twin brother, but he’d died at birth.”  
“The best way to lie is to not keep it too far from the truth.” This came from Brian who quieted as soon as he got a dirty look from Justin.  
Caitlin continued, “So I grew up. I had wonderful parents and a delightful extended family. Then one day, I literally ran into a blonde twink.”  
This was Justin’s cue to continue the story, “I know that none of you know where I went or what I did when I left last year. I had the opportunity to spend my junior year abroad in Ireland. I settled into life at Trinity College. One afternoon I was walking down the street and literally ran into Cait. I looked up and saw Brian’s eyes. I was struck dumb. She was very nice about the whole thing and we went into a pub for a drink. We started talking, and of course I was pushing.” The group laughed at this because they all knew Justin too well. “Eventually I got her to tell me what she knew about her birth family. Especially about her brother. I showed her a picture of Brian, and it was immediately clear that he was her presumed dead twin. For the year I spent in Ireland I got to know her family, and Cait kept pushing me to take her to America. I resisted for a long time because my intention had been to stay in Europe and move to Paris when I was done.” This caught the family by surprise. None of them expected that Justin’s latest split from Brian was supposed to be permanent. “Eventually I relented. I realized that Caitlin needed to find Brian, so I agreed to come back to Pittsburgh to finish my senior year.”  
It was Brian’s turn to take the story. “One afternoon my mother came to my office. She was ranting about me setting her up. She wanted to know how I found out about my sister, and yelled about how me and ‘my boy’ had set her up. I had no idea what she was talking about so I went to Jennifer Taylor’s. Obviously my mother had seen Justin, so he was back. I wanted to confront him about what was going on, but when I got to her house, Cait answered the door. You could have knocked me over with a feather, but I knew something big had happened. Caitlin and I went out and talked. We still don’t know all the details because I haven’t talked to my mother, but one thing is clear. She is my sister.”  
The family was shocked, no one knew what to say. Emmett was the first to be shaken out of the stupor. He leapt up and gave Caitlin a hug, “Welcome home sweetie.”

***

Justin and Cait quickly found an apartment. They both worked at the diner. Cait had been embraced by Liberty Avenue quickly. Word quickly spread that she was Brian Kinney’s twin sister, so that attracted more attention. To Cait’s credit, she took it all in stride. She had been privy to Brian’s reputation, and figured that she would be an object of curiosity. Surprisingly, she found herself accepted pretty quickly. She enjoyed the quirky group of people that her brother called family. She fit right in.  
“Family” members were surprised how much she was like Brian, without his edge. Where Brian was closed of, Cait was open. When Brian was harsh, Cait was gentle. They shared a wicked sense of humor, and unwavering loyalty, Cait’s loyalty was first and foremost to her brother and then to the others in his family. She wasn’t afraid to take them on either. She had a wit as sharp as a knife, and it cut deep.   
Mikey was the first to learn that. One evening he and Brian had stopped into the diner for dinner before heading to Woodies, and Cait was working. “Hey guys, fueling up for a big night out?”  
“We’re just going to shoot some pool, when do you get off?”  
“In an hour.”  
“Why don’t you come with us?”  
“Brian,” Michael whined, “we haven’t hung out just the two of us in forever.”  
Cait walked away from the table and returned a few seconds later. She plopped a huge hunk of cheddar cheese in front of Michael, and stabbed it with a sharp knife. Both Brian and Michael looked at her quizzically, “I thought you might like some cheese with your ‘whine.’”  
Brian could not contain his laughter, and Michael just looked stricken. Cait just eyed him with a look he’d seen from Brian too many times, “Now would you like to order?”

***

An hour later the three of them headed out to Woodies. Michael was sulking the whole time. Cait found this very amusing. Justin had done a good job in filling her in about the family dynamics, but hearing about it and seeing it was two very different things. She felt very comfortable around them. She thought Emmett was hilarious and Ted exhibited a quiet strength she admired. She and Ben found they had a lot in common, both were very spiritual and talked a lot about meta-physics. Michael was wary of her and seemed jealous everytime she was around. Justin had warned her about that. Debbie and Vic were like parents, and she was glad that Brian had them growing up. She knew his home life with his parents was bad. She didn’t even consider Jack and Joan Kinney her parents. In fact if she had her way, the situation would have been reversed, Seamus and Bridgit would have been her and Brian’s biological parents. She loved Brian’s son and Gus took her immediately. Lindsey immediately became her best “girl friend” and they spent a lot of time together. Her wife, Melanie, always treated her suspiciously, and that she didn’t understand. Cait found Mel very interesting, but the other woman seemed to have no interest in her.  
The only family dynamic that she didn’t get to see was where Justin fit in. Except for that first dinner at the loft, the younger man never hung around. Since they were roommates, they spent a lot of time together, but he never participated with the “Liberty Avenue Family.” Cait understood to a point, after all he and Brian had broken up, and Justin believed he was not welcome. Cait could sense that was not true, well except for Michael, but she just let it go.  
Cait asked Justin if it bothered him that she spent so much time with Brian and his friends. “God Cait, no! Brian is your brother, and the guys are his family. It’s important that the two of you spend time together, besides you and I spend tons of time together. It’s just, I don’t have a place there anymore. Besides, it’s not like I’m going to be in Pittsburgh much longer anyway.”  
Cait knew that Justin was still planning his exile in Paris. She kept hoping that he would change his mind, but he was determined. All Cait could do was pray for the best. She loved Justin and Brian equally, Justin was her brother as much as Brian was, but she knew she had to be careful with how involved she got. She couldn’t take sides, she knew that would end badly. All she could do was be there for both of them and continue her prayers that they would find their way back to each other.

***

During the few months they had known each other, Brian and Cait had avoided talking about their parents. Joan and Jack Kinney had slowly destroyed Brian while they raised him. He also knew that Cait’s one encounter with Joanie had hurt her. However the time had come to get some answers.  
Cait and Brian were having lunch one Saturday afternoon. Brian gently broached the subject, “Cait, there is something I would like to do after lunch.”  
“Sure Brian, what is it?”  
“We need to go see Joanie.”  
“What?”  
“I think we need some answers, and she’s the only one who has them.”  
Cait nodded reluctantly, “Ok.”  
***

Brian pulled up to his childhood home. He and Cait sat in the Vette silently. He looked over at his twin, “Are you ready?”  
Cait eyed him with apprehension, “I guess.”  
“Let’s get it over with, and then it’s done.” Cait could only nod.  
They walked up to the door, and Brian knocked. Joan answered the door, and looked properly shocked to find Brian standing there … with his sister.  
“Mother, may we come in?” Joan could only nod. “I don’t believe you’ve been properly introduced. This is Caitlin Marie Kinney, my sister,”  
“I know Brian, I named her.”  
This shocked both of them, Cait spoke first, “You did.”  
“Yes, I did. I suppose the two of you think horrible things about me, but Caitlin, I did the best thing I could for you.” Cait could only nod. “I guess you’re here for some answers. I’m not surprised, I’ve been waiting for this since the day you showed up on my doorstep with Brian’s ‘boy.’”  
Brian couldn’t contain his anger, “He has a name, Justin. And he’s not my ‘boy,’ he’s a person in his own right, and deserves to be treated with respect.”  
Joan said nothing, but led her children to the couch. She sat across from them on a chair, “I don’t know where to start.”  
Brian spoke first, “How about the beginning.”  
Joan nodded, “Well, the story you told at your father’s funeral was true. When he found out I was pregnant again, he wanted me to get an abortion. I wouldn’t do it, and Jack eventually accepted we were going to have another baby. I knew that Jack wanted a boy, he wanted to have a son. I was six months along when I found out I was having twins, a boy and a girl. I knew Jack would have a fit, and make things even worse than they were. I immediately contacted a lawyer. I had no family, but I knew that Jack had distant relatives in Ireland. I asked the lawyer to find them, find out if they would be willing to adopt my little girl. I toyed with the idea of giving both of you away, letting Jack think that the baby was born dead, but I didn’t think I could pull that off. After two months the lawyer got back to me, and found that Jack’s cousins would be thrilled to adopt Caitlin. I named both of you the day I found out I was having twins. When I went into labor, Jack was nowhere to be found, I wasn’t surprised, in fact I was hoping for it. The two of you were born. Caitlin, I held you once before I gave you away. I have regrets, but I will not apologize for what I did. From what I can tell, you were raised well by parents who loved you.”  
Cait looked at Brian, he seemed so lost, she knew they needed to leave. Cait rose to face her mother, “For what it’s worth, thank you. I was raised well and my parents do, love me very much.”  
She grabbed Brian’s hand and led him out of the house. They stood outside of the car for several minutes. Cait held Brian as he cried. When the sobs subsided, Cait lifted Brian’s face to look at her, “It’s time to go home.”  
“What are you talking about?”  
“It’s time to take you to your parents. When I came here to find you, I promised I would bring you home, and that time has come.


	6. Lost Sister

Once Brian agreed to go to Ireland with Caitlin, plans were made very quickly. They would go the first two weeks of March. Caitlin would have loved to go for longer, but Brian had work to contend with, and two weeks was all he could spare at this time. The first call Cait made was to her mother.  
“Mama?”  
“Caitie, how are you?”  
“I’m great! I wanted to tell you something.  
“What sweetie?”  
“I’m bringing Brian home.”  
Bridgit choked back a sob, “Oh Cait, that is wonderful, when?”  
“We’ll be there the first week of March, and stay for two weeks.”  
“Two weeks, is that all?”  
“For now Mama, Brian owns the ad agency that he works at, and can’t be gone longer than that. I’m sure this will be the first of many visits for him. He is really excited. Well nervous and excited.”  
“How are things going between Brian and Justin?”  
“Well, they tolerate each other when they have to. They haven’t spent anytime together since Justin and I have been back in Pittsburgh. I think Brian would like to try and reconcile, we don’t really talk about it much.”  
“Why not, I know how stubborn you can be.”  
“Because, I can’t get in the middle. I don’t think Brian would mind, but Justin would. He is still planning to move to Paris when he graduates. In fact he is going to Paris for his spring break to get a feel for the city, and inquire about jobs. He is really determined to do this.”  
“Well maybe fate will intervene.”  
“I hope so Mama, I hope so.”

***

Brian arrived at Caitlin and Justin’s apartment the day they were scheduled to leave. He was really sad about the distance between him and Justin. Brian had hoped once things settled down between him and Cait, that he and Justin could start over. Unfortunately Justin still had other ideas. He rarely made appearances with the “family” unless he was summoned, usually by Deb, and he and Brian were never alone together. Justin seemed determined to keep that chapter of his life closed.  
Justin was doing some research on the computer when there was a knock at the door. Justin got up to open the door, and found Brian on the other side. Cait was out running some last minute errands, so the two men were alone.  
“Hey, I came to pick up Cait, we need to get to the airport.”  
“She just had a few last minute errands, she should be back any minute. Come on in.”  
Brian followed Justin into the apartment. Justin willed his heartbeat to slow as he resumed his work at the computer. Brian was heartbroken that Justin couldn’t even talk to him. “Doing research for school?”  
“No, I’m actually doing research on Paris.”  
“Paris, why?”  
“I’m moving there after graduation. I wanted to get an idea of the city and see what area I may be interested in.”  
Brian was not expecting this, “What do you mean you’re moving after you graduate?”  
Justin sighed, and slowly turned to face Brian. He had been dreading this conversation for months. “Brian, when I left last year, I had no intention of ever living in Pittsburgh again. The only reason I came back was to bring Cait to you. Once I graduate, I’m going back to my original plan. This was decided before Cait and I came here. She’s always known that.”  
Brian was speechless. He had heard a little from Cait that Justin was planning a relocation to Europe, but they hadn’t talked about it in months. Brian figured once Justin got back into Pittsburgh life, he would forget all about his “grand European plans.” Obviously this was not the case. Before he could say anything, Cait came bounding through the door.  
“I’m sorry I’m late Bri, I’ll be ready in five minutes.”  
Justin’s attention was focused on his computer, and barely said goodbye when the siblings left five minutes later.

***

Brian and Cait didn’t speak much on the plane. Cait knew her brother was nervous. If she was in his shoes, she would feel the same way. She squeezed his hand in comfort, and hoped it helped. She was met with matching hazel eyes that smiled at her. She rested her head on his shoulder and fell asleep.  
Customs was hell, but neither one was surprised. International travel was never fun, and since September 11th it was even worse. It took them an hour to get through, but they were eventually able to get out. Cait heard her name screeched through the terminal. Before she could react, she was engulfed by her mother. Brian stood awkwardly to the side, for the first time in his life, he had no idea how to act. While Cait was hugged by her mother, Brian looked over to her father. He saw an older version of himself. Brian was shocked. He never saw any kind of family resemblance with his own parents or his sister, but looking at this man he saw the person who should have been his father.  
“Mama,” Cait’s voice interrupted Brian’s thoughts, “this is Brian.”  
Brian turned to look at the woman. She was short and stocky, with wild, long red hair. Brian lowered his gaze to the floor. He felt her hand lift his face to look into her emerald green eyes, “Welcome home my son,” and Brian felt himself drawn into the kind of homecoming embrace he had only dreamed of.

***

The ride home from the airport had been uneventful. Cait and Bridgit talked a mile a minute. Brian wondered what it was about women. He looked up and saw Seamus looking at him through the rearview mirror. Hazel met hazel and a look of understanding passed between the two.  
They quickly arrived at Seamus and Bridgit’s home. It was very small and welcoming. Brian began to wonder what would have happened if this had been him home growing up. Would he have been a different man? Bridgit touched his shoulder and led him to a third bedroom.  
“This is your room Brian.”  
“Thank you, Mrs …”  
“Mom.”  
“Thank you … mom.”  
“Good boy, now you get unpacked, Cait and I are going to start dinner.”  
Brian was left alone with his thoughts. He thought he would be able to handle this in his normal manner … detached … reveling nothing … but when the plane landed, Brian felt his walls fall away, and for the first time he had no walls, no protection.  
Brian stopped to look out the window into the backyard. There were so many thoughts and feelings going through his mind, he thought he might go insane. He felt like one of those episodes of some bad TV show that Justin liked to watch. He remembered when one of the character’s could hear voices and feel the feelings of all those around him. It drove the woman insane, and he felt it would drive him insane as well.  
“You look like you’ve got a lot on your mind lad.”  
Brian turned around and saw Seamus standing behind him, “You could say that sir.”  
Seamus snorted, “What’s with the ‘sir’ crap, in this house I’m dad, or as Cait calls me …daddy.”  
Brian laughed, “I don’t think I’ve ever called anyone Daddy before.”  
“Then you call me dad. Let’s go have a drink while the girls finish dinner.”  
Brian followed Seamus outside. They each had a glass of whiskey, and both lit a cigarette. Brian chuckled at the similarities.  
“What’s you laughin’ at son?”  
“I’m just surprised at the similarities between us.”  
“Well that’s family for you.”  
Brian just nodded his head, unsure how to answer, so Seamus just continued, “Caitie always believed you were still alive. She would tell us about the dreams she had with her brother. Bridgit and I were always a little worried about how much she missed you. We just let her go with her dreams, it would have been cruel to try and force her to see the truth. Little did we know I guess.”  
“It seems strange to hear members of my family talk about not wanting to be cruel to their children. Jack and Joan must have missed that day of parenting class.”  
“Young Justin told us about your parents, at least as much as he knew. Bridgit and I were very sad to hear about how you were raised. She wondered why your parents didn’t give both of you away. We would have loved to have raised both of you.”  
Brian felt himself choke up, he didn’t know how to deal with any of this. Here were two people saying they wished they could have been his parents. Brian didn’t know how to respond, he just nodded to Seamus. The two men finished their drinks in silence.

***

Cait kept Brian very busy the first week of their visit. She wanted to show Brian where she grew up. They spent the first week in the city. It was a little crowded and dingy, but it was Cait’s hometown and she loved it. Brian wanted to go to Trinity College. He wanted to see where Justin had spent his year abroad. They spent a whole day exploring the campus. Brian knew that Justin loved it here. He knew Justin better than anyone and this environment would have stimulated his senses.  
Cait took Brian to the Douglas Hyde Gallery on campus. This was Justin’s favorite place to go. They always had very contemporary exhibits, and Justin would just get lost in the rooms. The siblings walked the campus in silence. They explored the Chapel, the Oscar Wilde Centre for writers and the Samuel Beckett Theatre. Brian felt closer to Justin than he had in a long time. He knew that the young artist’s time here would influence and benefit his art for years to come.  
Brian wanted to follow in Justin’s footsteps while in Dublin. He made Cait take him to all the places she had been with Justin. Brian was not surprised to find himself in many galleries and museums. The one that he had been the most impressed with was the National Gallery of Ireland. Caitlin had confided that this was Justin’s favorite. Since the young blonde’s favorite medium was sketching on paper, he loved the Works on Paper exhibition. The collection included watercolors, pastels and various other works by old world masters. Brian remembered some of Justin’s work that he had seen in the last year, and it was obvious the artist had been influenced by what he had seen here. As much as Brian hated that Justin had left, following in his footsteps here made it clear that the young artist had truly benefited from the time he spent here. Brian felt closer to his former lover here than he had in years.  
Bridgit and Seamus had planned a family picnic so that Brian could meet the extended family. Since they had all met Justin the year before, the Irish Kinney’s were anxious to meet Brian. Brian was very intimidated when he was surrounded by dozens of people hugging him and talking to him. The uneasiness passed, and he soon felt part of the family. Everyone was so welcoming of him, they accepted him immediately. In fact it was decided, that other than Seamus, Brian was the one Kinney who embodied their patriarch, Ailin Kinney. Brian didn’t understand this, and Seamus had to explain it to him.  
Ailin Kinney was the earliest ancestor they had been able to trace, back to the eighteenth century. No Kinneys seemed to have existed before him, so he was considered their forefather. Cait’s great-aunt Siobhan always kept a miniature portrait of Ailin with her and she showed it to Brian. He thought he was looking at a picture of himself, the resemblance was so strong. Only Seamus carried that same strong resemblance. Brian truly felt he had come home.

***

One week into their visit, Caitlin and Brian were touring Dublin Castle. Brian had become intrigued by the history of his ancestors and hoped to absorb as much as he could. While touring the halls of the ancient castle, Brian finally felt like he had a history. In Pittsburgh, he had never felt that. Here in Ireland, he felt connected to past and a future that warmed him. What he was not expecting was how connected he would feel to Justin here. Knowing that he was following in his lover’s footsteps enriched Brian’s visit even more.  
On Saturday, Brian and Cait were having lunch at Eden. Caitlin found it ironic that they were eating at the same restaurant she had eaten with Justin when she told him she was going to America.  
“Bri, we need to talk.”  
“About what?”  
“Well … I’m about to break a promise that I made to myself, but I figure since I’m in a different country all bets are off.”  
“What are you talking about?”  
“I’m talking about Justin.”  
Brian sighed, “What about him?”  
“Well first of all, this trip has proven to me that you are still desperately in love with him.”  
“I don’t do l …”  
“You don’t do love, of course you don’t, that’s why you had me take you every fucking place he went to in this city. That’s why you wanted to experience this city through his eyes … because you don’t do love.”  
“Cait …”  
“Don’t tell me to stay out of it! I’ve stayed out of it for a year, even longer if you count the time spent here with Justin. Well I am going to tell you if you don’t do something NOW, you are going to lose him.”  
“What the fuck are you talking about?”  
“He is on his way,” Cait grabbed Brian’s wrist and looked at his watch, “no … he has arrived in Paris.”  
“What?!?!?”  
“He is spending his spring break in Paris. He probably arrived a few hours ago.”  
“So, Paris is a great place for artists.”  
“Brian, my dear STUPID brother, how long are you going to be in denial. He is leaving. In four months he is leaving, unless you give him a reason to stay. He is planning to spend his spring break exploring the city for job opportunities and places to live. When he comes back, after this trip, he will be more resolved than ever to leave America, Pittsburg … you.”  
Brian looked like he had been punched, Sunshine was really serious about leaving. He wouldn’t let himself believe it, but now Cait was throwing it in his face. “What am I supposed to do?”  
“Go and stop him, tell him you love him, and bring him home.”  
“How the fuck am I supposed to do that? Paris is a big city, am I just supposed to troll the streets?”  
Cait handed him a piece of paper, “This is where he is staying. Now I would suggest getting your bony ass on the next flight to Paris, and fixing this before the opportunity disappears forever.


	7. Lost Sister

Brian quickly made arrangements to fly from Dublin to Paris. He regretted cutting his trip short, however, he knew his family would understand. Brian Kinney was chasing someone. The world must be coming to an end. Hearing Cait tell him that Justin was really leaving broke his heart. Believing he had plenty of time, Brian had put no effort into rebuilding his relationship with Justin. Knowing he might lose his golden boy prompted Brian into action.  
He said goodbye to Cait, Bridgit, and Seamus with a heavy heart. Believing he would be back in Ireland with Justin made leaving easier. For the first time in his entire life, Brian felt a connection with his biological family. If he hadn’t known better, Brian would have sworn his parents were Bridgit and Seamus Kinney. He would have been raised with Cait and not Claire. How different would his life have been? One thing was certain, he never would have met Justin and that thought was unbearable.  
The flight to Paris was uneventful. Feeling nervous, Brian wondered what would be waiting for him in Paris. Would this be a new beginning for him and Justin or would it be the end?  
Clearing customs at Charles de Gaulle airport was a pain in the ass. The security measures enacted since 9/11 were cumbersome, but Brian understood the need. Once he was cleared, Brian quickly caught a cab and headed off to Justin’s hotel.  
The hotel was a small boutique hotel near the Eiffel Tower. A charming smile and hefty tip to one of the chamber maids got him Justin’s room number. He was unable to convince her to actually let him into the room, so Brian was forced to wait in the hallway.  
Several hours later, Brian was getting annoyed. There had been no sign of Justin. Worried that Cait had gotten the information wrong, Brian was preparing to leave when his favorite twink came around the corner.  
“Brian?” Justin was shocked to find his former lover sitting outside his room, “What are you doing here?”  
“Sitting on my ass in a damn hallway waiting for you.”  
Rolling his eyes at Brian, Justin opened the door to his room and led Brian inside. Brian looked around the room and decided it was perfect for the artist. He noticed several of Justin’s sketchbooks. He also noticed several gallery brochures on the nightstand. This alone worried Brian greatly.  
“So you’re just running away again?”  
“Excuse me.”  
Gesturing to the brochures on the nightstand, “Your little exile to Paris, it’s just like when you went to Ireland last year.”  
“I don’t see how taking advantage of an opportunity to study abroad or pursue my art in Paris is running away.”  
“It is when you’re trying to avoid something … or someone.”  
“Brian, I am not running away from you. I left you almost two years ago. Now I am pursuing something that has been a dream of mine since I was a kid. I’m finally in a position to do it. This isn’t about you.”  
Looking into Justin’s eyes, Brian could see he was speaking the truth. Justin stared directly into his eyes and found they were filled with love and vulnerability. Unsure of anything to say, Justin reached up and kissed Brian.

***

Their first taste of each other in almost two years was intoxicating. Not wanting to rush, the two men began a slow sensual seduction. Their tongues softly stroked each other, exploring the inner recesses of each others mouths. Both men sighed at the familiar taste.  
Justin ran his fingers through the silky strands of Brian’s hair. He lovingly ran the strands through and around his fingers, reveling in the familiar texture.  
Brian rubbed his hands around Justin’s back. It was a throw back to the early days of their relationship when Brian would hold Justin and use his own arms to protect the younger man. His hands slid down and cupped Justin’s ample buttocks. He pulled the younger man towards him until their erections were rubbing together through their pants.  
Justin, needing to feel the heat of Brian’s skin, begins to unbutton Brian’s shirt and reaches inside to caress his firm chest. Pulling away from Brian’s mouth, Justin begins to explore and taste Brian’s skin. He ran his tongue over Brian’s left nipple and began to suckle the stiffening bud.  
Brian groaned in satisfaction as Justin went down on him. The blonde began to unbutton Brian’s jeans and pushed them down. As usual, Brian wasn’t wearing any underwear, so his straining cock quickly jumped out. Justin lightly kissed the leaking head, bathing it with his tongue. Justin felt Brian’s long fingers plow through his hair in an attempt to bury himself farther down the blonde’s throat.  
Justin smiled. Knowing what Brian wanted, he deliberately took his time throating his lover’s cock. As he slid Brian’s dick farther down his throat, he lightly grazed his teeth down the swollen shaft. This earned him a groan from his hazel-eyed lover.  
Justin felt the swollen cock hit the back of this throat. He buried his nose into Brian’s pubes and inhaled the scent he missed so much. He bathed the swollen cock with his tongue and swallowed, constricting his throat around the sensitive head. Brian gasped and Justin felt his balls draw up, he knew the brunette would be cumming soon. Justin was not disappointed. Brian gave another groan and shot streams of cum down the back of Justin’s throat. The blonde greedily swallowed almost every drop. When Brian’s dick started to soften, Justin rose up to kiss his lover. Brian always loved tasting himself on Justin’s lips.  
The reunited lovers resumed the seduction with their tongues. The remainder of Brian’s cum was passed between the two mouths. Brian reached down and pulled Justin’s t-shirt over his head. Gently tugging the gold ring that still adorned Justin’s nipple earned him a moan from his golden dream. Brian slid his hands down Justin’s back and slipped inside the back of the boy’s jeans. Pleased to find the blonde wearing no underwear, Brian ran his fingers along the top of his baby’s crack. Justin gasped into Brian’s mouth and quickly undid his jeans that were becoming too tight.  
Together they pulled down the boy’s jeans. Brian removed his fingers from Justin’s ass, slid them into his lover’s mouth, indicating he wanted his fingers lubed. The younger man complied and used his tongue to generously coat Brian’s fingers. When Brian withdrew his fingers, Justin began attacking Brian’s mouth. The older man slowly inserted his index finger into Justin’s hole. The blonde yelped from the intrusion, but quickly relaxed as he felt Brian gently massage his prostate.  
Brian felt Justin’s swollen cock trapped between their bellies. He placed his other palm at Justin’s lips again, “lick.” The boy complied and covered Brian’s hand with his saliva. Brian reached down and fisted Justin’s cock and slowly began to jerk his boy off. Brian worked Justin’s asshole and cock in unison. Justin was panting in shallow breaths and Brian knew the younger man would be cumming soon.  
Justin was holding onto Brian’s shoulders for balance as the older man worked him over. He felt his balls constrict and he dug his nails into Brian’s skin as he came. He shot cum all over Brian’s hand and stomach. Justin hung onto Brian and kissed his neck. Brian looked into Justin’s blue eyes and brought his cum coated fingers to his mouth and licked them clean. He then pulled Justin in for a searing kiss so that the younger man would taste himself on Brian’s lips. Brian reached his arms around and patted Justin’s ass cheeks, an old signal that Brian wanted Justin to wrap his legs around his waist. Justin immediately complied, and Brian carried him to the bed. He gently laid the boy down on the bed and crawled in beside him. He quickly gathered Justin in his arms. “That was a lovely welcome to Paris.”

***

Several hours later, Justin awakes in Brian’s arms. For a moment he thought he was dreaming, but a quick glance told him he was not, Brian was really here. What was going on? Was Brian chasing after him? He couldn’t be. Brian didn’t chase anyone. Justin sighed. This just complicated things. He had made up his mind. He was moving to Paris. It was something he had always dreamed of doing. Studying the masters would influence and improve his art like no other experience. Brian’s sudden appearance couldn’t and wouldn’t change anything.  
Justin felt Brian begin to shift, a sign the older man was starting to wake up. Watching Brian’s face he saw the hazel eyes he loved so much open.  
“Hi.”  
A smile crept over Brian’s face, “Hi.”  
Capturing Justin’s lips, the lovers shared a soft romantic kiss. Pulling away from Brian, Justin looked deep into his lover’s eyes. “Why aren’t you in Ireland with Cait and her parents?”  
“Cait told me you were coming here to begin planning your move. I decided to come and fetch you.”  
Working himself from Brian’s arms, “Fetch me? Brian, I told you, I’m not running away from you. I’m doing something I need to do for myself.”  
Brian’s eyes clouded over. “You’ve been talking all year about moving to Paris once you graduated. I never believed you were serious until Cait told me about this trip. I know the last year since you’ve been back from Ireland has been a little awkward. I just thought we would have plenty of time to get back on track. I realize now that time is running out.”  
“Brian, we’re not together. If we were, I would still need to come here. Besides, even if I was staying in Pittsburgh, we wouldn’t be together. The relationship I want with you is not the same as what you want from me. I can’t settle for something I don’t want, and I won’t lie to you. I did that once before and look what happened.”  
“Justin, things are different now.”  
Not wanting to continue this conversation, Justin changed the topic of conversation. “Let’s spend this week in Paris together. Explore the city and then see where we are. As an artist, I need to study here. I’ve gotten everything I can out of Pittsburgh, I need something else.”  
Brian knew that Justin was speaking the truth and agreed to spend the week in Paris. He would figure something out.

***

The week in Paris was magical. The two lovers explored the city of love. They were forced to compromise their activities. Brian let Justin drag him to the Louvre, the Musee d’Orsay and they even ventured to the Palace at Versailles. In return, Justin accompanied Brian to the Pret a Porter fashion shows. If Justin didn’t know better, he would have sworn that Brian planned to be in Paris during the spring fashion season. They never talked about what was going to happen once the week was over. They lived in the bubble that Paris engulfed them.  
Brian felt Justin falling in love with the city. Reluctantly, he admitted to himself that the City of Light was seducing him too. One afternoon after visiting the Louvre, they found themselves resting at the Jardin des Tuilleries overlooking the River Seine. Resting against a tree with Justin reclining between his legs, Brian watched his lover sketch. A beautiful drawing of Paris emerged on the paper. No matter how many times he watched Justin draw, Brian never failed to be amazed by his lover’s talent. He knew his baby needed to be here. Justin was right, he had outgrown Pittsburgh. What scared him was the fact he might have to let his golden boy go.  
Justin had refused to allow them to talk about what they would do at the end of the week. Every time Brian would try to bring up the subject, Justin would distract him with sex or something else that would divert Brian’s attention. They had about two days left before heading back to Pittsburgh. Knowing that time was running out, Brian needed to figure out what to do.

***

During their week in Paris, Justin fell in love with Brian all over again. Leaving him would be that much harder. He wasn’t lying to Brian when he told him that moving to Paris had nothing to do with him. The artist within him was starving. This feeling first came when he was in Ireland. His artistic nature had been renewed on the Emerald Isle. That was when he decided to move to Europe. Knowing that he would grow so much in the Old World, Justin had begun to make his plans.  
The reunion with Brian complicated things. The Brian he was in Paris with was the Brian of which he had always dreamed. The City of Light was seducing them both, but Justin believed it was an illusion. Once they returned to Pittsburgh, things would return to normal. As much as he hated to do it, he would end things with Brian when they returned to Pittsburgh.

***

The day before they left, the lovers simply strolled through the streets of Paris. They walked hand in hand, no words were spoken, no words were needed. Brian had planned a romantic evening for their last night in Paris. They went back to the hotel to change for dinner. Brian had purchased them clothes from the new Yves Saint Laurent collection.  
He had made arrangements at Alain Ducasse. It was a high class restaurant located in an art-nouveau mansion in Paris' fashionable 16th arrondissement. Brian had reserved them a private room. During their meal, the lovers talked about the things they had experienced in Paris. Justin loved watching the expressions on Brian’s face as he talked about the fashion shows. The older man had such a passion for fashion that Justin was glad to have shared in this experience with Brian.  
Their meal was finished and the waiter brought them an exquisite bottle of champagne. Brian filled their glasses and offered a toast. “To you!”  
Justin was very confused. Brian had never been romantic like this. He watched as Brian got onto his knees before him.  
“Justin, there are some things I need to say to you. First, thank you for sharing this city with me. Seeing Paris through your eyes made it all the more special for me. I owe so much of my life to you. I owe you my son, my job, my sister. Hell, I owe you my entire life. I’ve always loved you, but experiencing this city with you made me fall in love all over again. I need you in my life. I am only complete when you are by my side. So I am going to do the one thing I never thought I would do.” Justin watched Brian pull a ring box from his pocket. He opened the box and presented the rings to Justin. They were two Claddagh rings in heavy gold. The heart that supported the crown was a perfect emerald. “Justin Taylor, I love you. Will you marry me?”  
Tears were streaming down the young artist’s cheek by the time Brian asked the question. “I can’t believe that you would sink this low.”  
Justin leaped up and left the restaurant. Brian was left on his knees wondering what happened. The blonde artist had run out before he could finish what he wanted to say. Brian ran out of the restaurant after his lover. It was pouring rain outside. Looking up and down the street, Brian saw Justin and quickly followed him. He caught up with his blonde lover and grabbed his arm. Justin whirled around, “How could you, Brian?”  
“What are you talking about? I just fucking proposed to you!”  
“You’re trying to trap me. I am moving to Paris! I am going to pursue my art here and you try to trap me with a marriage proposal.”  
“I am not trying to trap you. I know you need to be here.”  
“So what, you’ll wait for me? I don’t know how long I will want to stay here or where I will want to go next. How can you do this to me?”  
“Shut up and let me finish. I am not going to wait for you. I am asking you to wait for me.”  
Justin was not expecting this. “What do you mean?”  
“I know you need to come here for your art. I am asking you to postpone your move until I can settle my affairs in Pittsburgh and move with you.”  
“Brian what are you saying?”  
“I’m saying I love you. I want to marry you. I want to see Europe through your eyes. I want to share it all with you. I have enough money to last for quite a while. Once the money runs out … fuck, we’ll just figure it out from there. So, I will ask you again. Will you marry me?”  
Justin was speechless. All he could do was nod.


	8. Lost Sister

The flight home from Paris was uneventful, save for a couple of inductions into the ‘Mile High Club.’ The lovers spent the transatlantic flight discussing different ideas for their move to Paris. Brian figured he would need about six months to get his business settled in order to relocate to Europe. The thrill that Brian would be joining him in Paris superceded any delays Brian’s business may cause. The two men also discussed a summer visit to Dublin. Although they had spent time with Seamus and Bridgit separately, their family wouldn’t seem complete until they saw them together.

About halfway through the flight Justin fell asleep on Brian’s shoulder and gave the older man time to think things over. He had no regrets about his decision to relocate with Justin. Being honest with himself, the ad-exec knew he had acted a little impulsively. In his quest to win Justin back, Brian never intended to offer to relocate. The week in Paris had opened his eyes. For the first time in his life, Brian found himself forced to put another person’s needs ahead of his own. Exploring The City of Love with Justin, Brian realized that remaining in Pittsburgh would stifle the young artist. There was only one way that his lover would truly be able to grow as an artist and that was to live and study in the Old World. Having achieved his own professional success, Brian was in the position to allow Justin to follow his dreams. Brian Kinney completed one of the first unselfish acts of his life.

Justin began to stir as the plane began its descent into Pittsburgh.

“Welcome back, sleepy head.” Justin answered by nuzzling Brian’s neck. “Careful Sunshine, we’re getting ready to land.

Still hazy from his nap, Justin could only murmur to his lover. “This week was perfect, wasn’t it Bri?”

“Yeah, it was.”

***

Clearing customs was a formality and the lovers were passing through security. Basking in the love that radiated between them, they passed through the gate hand in hand with smiles beaming on their faces.

“Bri, Justin!” Cait stood on the other side of the gate waving to her brothers. Having arrived back in Pittsburgh the day before, Cait decided to surprise the two men at the airport.

Hugging his twin, Brian could barely contain his surprise. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, I got back from Dublin yesterday, so I thought I would come and meet your flight. I take it your Parisian vacation went well.”

Brian answered by showing Cait the ring he had placed on Justin’s finger the night before. “Oh my god!” The hazel-eyed woman embraced the two men.

Justin finally spoke, “Thanks, Caitie.”

The three retrieved Brian’s and Justin’s bags from the luggage racks and headed home. Even though it hadn’t been discussed, Caitlin drove them to the loft. 

Walking into the loft, Justin saw it as his home for the first time in years. “Home sweet home.”

Hearing those words come from his lover warmed Brian’s heart. His baby had finally come home.

***

Brian and Justin spent the first couple of days at home making love and settling back in together as lovers. Both men were amazed how easily they were able to slip into their old routine.

Lindsey brought Gus over a few days after their return. Gus was so happy to see his Dada and Jus together again.

“Dada!”

Kneeling down to greet his son, Brian held out his arms to the toddler. “Come here, Sonny Boy.”

The little boy leapt into his father’s arms. As Brian embraced his son, he felt an ache in his heart. When he had decided to move to Paris with Justin, the older man had forgotten to consider his son in his plans. The stab of pain reminded Brian of how selfish he could be.

“So the Romeo and Juliet of Liberty Avenue are back together?”

Brian rolled his eyes at Lindsey’s literary reference. Justin answered for the two of them. “Yes we are, until we move to Paris.”

“Paris? Bri?” Looking over at her oldest friend, Lindsey’s eyes were filled with questions.

Brian was silent for a moment. The period of silence was unnerving. Justin realized that Brian had never intended to move to Paris, it was simply an act of desperation that precipitated the offer. Justin silently retreated to the bedroom. Brian was torn between following his lover and answering Lindsey’s questions.

“Bri, what is Justin talking about?”

“I proposed to Justin in Paris. We’re going to move there.”

“What about us? What about your family? How can you do this?”

Wincing internally, Brian selected his answer carefully knowing that Justin could hear from the bedroom. “Paris is where Justin needs to be. I need to be with Justin. There really isn’t much of a choice.”

“So you’re going to up and leave your son? I thought you wanted your son to know you?”

“Linds, I do, but …”

“You’re just going to do what you always do, follow your own desires. Well, have fun.”

Brian could only watch helplessly as Lindsey collected Gus and stormed out of the loft.

***

Lying in bed, Justin heard the exchange between Brian and Lindsey. Realizing that Brian never had any intention on moving to Paris, Justin allowed the tears to flow. It appeared he and Brian were over before they had really begun again. Smothered by the grief of his relationship, Justin wondered what he was going to do. Deciding that he would continue his exile to Paris alone, Justin began to plan the rest of his life.

Feeling the mattress sink beside him, Justin knew Brian had arrived to talk to him.

“Justin …”

“Don’t Brian. There’s nothing to say. I see it now. You don’t have to explain, I won’t hold you to anything.”

Pulling the ring off his finger, Justin hands it back to Brian. “No Sunshine, I won’t take it back.”

“You have to, I don’t want it.”

Hearing that comment shattered Brian’s heart. “Well, I want you to have it. I won’t lie to you. When I followed you to Paris my only intention was to bring you home. I figured a week together would force you to forget your plan to run away to Paris.”

“Brian … I wasn’t …”

“Let me finish. That week we spent together changed the perception I had about your desire for Paris. I realized that you need to be there. This is something you need to do and I need you to do it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I love you and I need you. If you need to be in Paris to expand your life as an artist than that is where you need to be and I need to be with you. So if that means moving to Paris than we move to Paris.”

“Brian, what about Gus?”

“Lindsey was just venting. She and I will work something out.”

“Are you sure?”

Brian led Justin’s hand to his erect cock. “Does this answer your question?”

Smiling at Brian, Justin gently pushed Brian onto his stomach. Crawling on top of his older lover, Justin began to make love to Brian’s ear with his tongue. Sliding his hand underneath Brian’s waistband, the young blonde used his finger to glide along his older lover’s crack.

Recognizing what Justin wanted, Brian gave his consent by pushing his ass into Justin’s caress. 

***

Brian rolled over and laid on his back while Justin hovered over him. The raw love between the two was apparent in their stares. Never losing eye contact the two men removed their clothes. Brian presented himself, naked, to his lover. His cock was erect and straining towards Justin. 

Smiling with a feral grin, Justin lifted Brian’s legs over his shoulders. Brian’s asshole was presented to him and Justin used his fingers to caress the puckered opening. Reaching under the pillow, Justin found the ever present lube and condom. Sheathing his own erection, Justin went to work preparing his lover’s hole. Brian moaned under his lover’s ministrations. He started to fuck himself on Justin’s fingers.

Justin quickly replaced his fingers with his cock. Justin began thrusting into Brian with ferocious speed. Bucking to meet his lover’s thrusts, Brian felt his balls constricting and knew he would come soon.

Justin felt Brian’s semen splash onto his stomach and that triggered his own orgasm. As he collapsed onto Brian’s chest, the older man tightened his arms and legs around his young lover.

“I love you, baby.”

“I love you too, Brian.”

***

 

Lindsey was irate after she left the loft. Brian’s selfishness was incredible. The man was willing to abandon his own son to chase after his ‘blonde boy ass.’ Rationally, Lindsey knew that Justin meant so much more to Brian, but she was too angry to think rationally. Needing to vent, the blonde called the only person she could.

“Did you know that Brian was planning to move to Paris?”

Cait was unfamiliar with Lindsey’s anger. “I found out the day I picked them up at the airport.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Excuse me, Linds, but I don’t see how it concerned you.”

“It doesn’t concern me? My son will be affected by this.”

“Are you sure it’s your son that you’re worried about?”

Eyes blazing, Lindsey confronted her friend, “What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means are you upset about the fact that Brian and Justin are working things out and preparing to build a life together or are you upset because you are in love with my brother?”

“I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“Please Lindsey. I may not be the savvy advertising god that my brother is, but I am not stupid. It’s obvious that you are in love with him.”

“How is that possible? I am a lesbian! I am married to Melanie.”

“Then why are you so upset?”

Lindsey didn’t know how to answer her friend. She had never admitted to anyone, not even Mel, the feelings she had for Brian. “I know I’m a lesbian and I know that a relationship with Brian is not in the cards, but I never expected him to leave his family.”

“So you are content to be with Melanie and have Brian as your best friend. Let me ask you this, if he were to cultivate his relationship with Justin here in Pittsburgh, would you be ok with it?”

“Of course!”

“Welcome to the 21st century Linds. Technology links our worlds. Brian can still have a relationship with Gus in Paris. They can talk on the phone, video conference, and there is an invention called the airplane.”

“I just never thought Brian would leave.”

Cait rested her hand on Lindsey’s arm. “He needs to put Justin and their relationship first. He would never abandon Gus, but he is not even legally his father. You and I both know that Justin is the one chance he has for love. Don’t screw it up.”

***

Melanie was waiting when Lindsey got home. “Where have you been?”

“I went over to Brian’s and then I had lunch with Cait.”

“Of course, you were with Cait. How silly of me.”

Lindsey rolled her eyes at Melanie’s outburst. “What is your problem with my friendship with Cait? You have been nothing but a bitch to her since she arrived.”

“Excuse me for being worried about the fact that the lesbian Brian Kinney has arrived on the scene.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“The only thing that has kept you and Brian apart is the fact that he is a fag and you are a dyke. You’ve been in love with him for years and now the lesbian equivalent of Brian has arrived on the scene and she has become your best friend. I apologize if that makes me a little nervous.”

“Mel, you are talking nonsense …”

“Whatever, I don’t want to talk about this right now. I need to go to the bank. I’ll see you later.”

***

Brian and Justin were wrapped in each other’s arms after an intense round of lovemaking.

“Brian, will everything be ok?”

“Of course it will. I love Gus and will always be there for him, but you are not someone that is expendable. I can’t choose between you and my son, but we will find a compromise. Lindsey is reasonable.”

“She didn’t seem very reasonable earlier today.”

“I’m sure she’s just in shock. I mean who would have ever expected me to uproot my life and follow my lover to Paris?”

Snuggling into Brian’s embrace, “I always hoped …”

Justin’s musings were interrupted by the telephone.

“Hello … Cait … wait, slow down … what? Where are you? Ok … we’ll meet you there.”

Watching his lover’s face go pale, Justin immediately became concerned. “Bri? What’s going on?”

“We need to go to the hospital.”

“The hospital? What’s going on?”

“Melanie’s been shot, she’s in intensive care.”

“What???”


	9. Lost Sister

Brian and Justin rushed to the hospital. They found Cait and Lindsey waiting. Lindsey was wrapped up in Cait’s arms sobbing. Hearing the two men approach, Lindsey disentangled herself from Cait and fell into Brian’s arms. Justin watched the two old friends and knew that the fight a few hours ago had been forgotten.

Sensing that Brian and Lindsey were in their own world, Justin turned to Cait. “What happened?”

“We really don’t know much, but apparently, Melanie was at the bank during a hold up.”

“Is she going to be alright?”

Cait turned and looked at her brother and Lindsey and then turned back to Justin and whispered, “They don’t think she’s going to make it.”

“Oh, my god! Does Linds know?”

Shaking her head, Cait answered, “No, they pulled me aside and told me. Lindsey was already too distraught. They were worried about how she would take it.”

Wondering how he would feel if something happened to Brian, Justin could only grasp Cait’s hand.”

***

Several hours later the doctor arrived and told them that Melanie was dead. Lindsey collapsed and was taken away to be sedated while Brian watched in shock.

“Justin, can you go get Gus from the babysitter’s? I want to stay with Lindsey.”

“Sure Bri, I’ll bring him home to the loft. I’m sure Lindsey is in no condition to take care of him right now.”

“I need to be here with her.”

“I know. Cait and I will take care of Gus.”

“I know you will, baby. Can you call everyone and tell them what happened. You’ll handle it better than I could.”

“Of course.” Justin squeezed Brian’s hand. “We’ll take care of it.”

“Thank you … for everything.”

Justin gave Brian a soft kiss and left the hospital with Cait.

***

Brian held Lindsey in his arms. The sedative had relaxed her. She was too out of it to comprehend that Melanie was dead. As Brian held Lindsey, the future stretched before him and for the first time the destination was unknown. A feeling of dread clutched at his heart and Brian knew that changes were looming on the horizon.

***

Justin and Cait took Gus home to the loft. Brian had added a small bed and screened off part of the loft for the times he had Gus with him. Remembering the first time he had seen the loft changes, Justin felt tears well up in his eyes. Here was living proof that Brian had changed and loved his son like no other.

Cait came up behind Justin and wrapped her arms around his waist. The two friends stood in silence for a few moments watching the young boy sleep.

“Brian really loves him.”

“He loves you, too.”

Turning to look at his best friend, Justin could only smile. “I know he does.”

Helping themselves to some of Brian’s expensive whiskey, the two friends made their way over to the couch. They sat in silence for several minutes.

“I can’t believe Melanie is really gone. She could be abrasive at times, but I really loved her.”

Cait sighed wistfully, “I never really got to know her. She hated me on sight.”

“That’s because you’re Brian’s twin sister. She never cared for him. Besides, I think she knew Linds was falling in love with you.”

“What???”

“Please Cait, I know you love her, too.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about.”

Rolling his eyes at her, “Remember who you’re talking to Irish.”

The older woman had the decency to look chagrined. 

“I know you didn’t mean to, but I think it was inevitable.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Lindsey has always been in love with Brian, but she knew she would never get anywhere because she didn’t have a dick. Then you come along, a lesbian Brian Kinney. She never had a chance.”

“So you’re saying any feelings she may have for me are simply misguided feelings towards my brother?”

Justin knew he was treading on tedious ground. “No, I just think that fate has a strange way of working things out.”

Cait was not about to be mollified, “So fate decided to have Lindsey’s wife gunned down so she could be with her lesbian fantasy of Brian Kinney?!?!? That is seriously fucked up Justin!”

Pulling his friend into his arms, Justin held Cait as she cried. “I love her Jus. The feelings I have for her are like none I’ve ever had before.”

“I know. Caitie, I know.”

***

Brian took Lindsey home from the hospital and got her into bed. The evening’s events had worn him out. The shock of Melanie’s death had rocked his world. Everything was going to change and he worried about what those changes would mean.

Deciding that he would spend the night with Lindsey in case she needed him, Brian decided to call Justin.

“Hey baby!”

“Hey, how’s Lindsey?”

“Asleep, that’s about all I can say.”

“Is she aware of Mel’s death yet?”

“No, I don’t think so. She’s still pretty drugged up. I’m going to spend the night here.”

“Ok. I love you, Brian.”

“I love you too, Sunshine.”

***

Brian stayed at Lindsey’s for two days. The two old friends talked for the first time in a long time.

“I feel so guilty.”

“Why?”

“We were fighting when she left that day. I will never forgive myself that the last words we had were in anger.”

“Linds, shit happens and life gets in the way. Melanie knows that you loved her.”

“Our last fight was over Cait.”

Brian was not expecting this, “What?”

“Melanie accused me of falling in love with her.”

“Are you?”

Running her fingers through her long blonde hair, Lindsey wasn’t sure how to respond. “I don’t know. I like her a lot, but I wonder if it’s left over feelings that I have for you.”

Rolling his lips into his mouth, Brian could only nod. It had crossed his mind that Lindsey might develop some kind of attraction for Cait because she was his twin. Melanie’s death only complicated things.

***

Brian went with Lindsey to the attorney’s office to go over Melanie’s will. What shocked the two of them was that Melanie’s will gave Brian back his parental rights to Gus. He never expected Melanie to do that considering how Mel felt about him. The attorney, a partner in Melanie’s firm, gave Brian a letter that Melanie had written to him. He decided to wait until he was home to read it.

“Brian, I have a huge favor to ask you.”

“What is it?”

“I still have so much to deal with. Losing Mel, the state of our relationship when she died, just lots of things, and I don’t think I should be taking care of Gus right now. He’s still so young and I’m afraid that I can’t handle it right now. Can he come and live with you for a while?”

Brian hesitated to answer. He and Justin were planning their move to Paris. Brian feared what canceling those plans would do to their relationship.

Sensing his reluctance, Lindsey quickly continued. “It’s okay, Bri. I’m sure my parents can help.”

“No fucking way, Gus is my son, too. He can stay with me as long as he needs to.”

“But what about your plans with Justin?”

“We’ll be ok.”

“What about Paris?”

“Justin can go and I’ll join him when things are settled. Don’t worry about it.”

“Brian …”

“No Lindsey, we have to do what’s best for him. Losing Mel is going to be hard for him and we have to make sure he doesn’t lose anyone else.”

The two friends hugged as Brian tried to decide what he would tell Justin.

***

Justin was cooking dinner when Brian got home. Having arranged to pick up Gus the following day, Brian headed home to break the news to his fiancé. Fiance? He briefly wondered if Justin would still want to marry him after Brian drastically altered their plans.

“Hey, how did it go at the attorney’s office?”

“It was ok. Melanie gave me back my parental rights to Gus.”

“Really? She must not have hated you that much.”

“Apparently not.”

“There’s something else, isn’t there?”

“Lindsey is still really fragile and she’s worried that she can’t take care of Gus right now. He’s going to be with me indefinitely.”

Justin couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Brian, what about …?”

“You’re going to go to Paris like you planned. I’ll join you when things get settled.”

“No! Brian, I won’t.”

Brian hung his head sadly. He was worried that Justin’s reaction would be to tell him to fuck off, but he had hoped that he wouldn’t. “I understand, you need to stick with your plans, but Gus is my responsibility now.”

“Brian, you are fucking insane if you think I’m going to go globetrotting and leave you here.” Waving his engagement ring in Brian’s face, Justin continued. “This makes your commitments and obligations mine too. Gus will live with us and we will help our family get through this.”

Brian’s only response was to collapse into Justin’s arms.

***

After making love tenderly and relaxing in Justin’s arms, Brian suddenly remembered the letter from Melanie. Disentangling himself from his lover’s arms, Brian went to get the letter out of his coat pocket.

He handed it to Justin asking the young artist to read it, he was a little nervous about Melanie’s final words to him.

***

Hey Asshole!

If you’re reading this then something has happened to me and you’ve found yourself saddled with a kid you never wanted. I’m just kidding, but it’s still always fun to bait you.

As you already know, I’ve given you back custody of Gus and you’re probably wondering why. As much as I hate to admit it, you are his father and a good one. You love him and he loves you. If I’ve died before Lindsey than she’s going to need your help.

Please take care of her, Brian. Don’t let her mourn me too long and help her move on. She’s strong, but she deserves to be in love and have someone love her back. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me and I’m grateful for the years we’ve had.

So here I am entrusting the woman I love and my son to you. I know what a selfish prick you can be, but you are also loving and honorable to those you care about. Remember our wedding?

See you’ve been busted, although, I suspect Justin has known this for years. Take care of my family, Brian, as you have been for years.

Melanie

***

Brian was crying as Justin finished reading the letter. Gathering his lover up in his arms, Justin could only whisper. “I guess she didn’t hate you after all.”

“No, I guess she didn’t”


	10. Lost Sister

Cait and Lindsey were having lunch one afternoon after Lindsey’s classes. Linds had been leaning on Cait a lot. Having Gus live with Brian had made things a lot easier. They had dinner together almost every night and that made things easier. Gus had a hard time understanding why he wasn’t going home with his mommy, but he loved his daddy and his “Jus.”

“How are you holding up?”

“Inhaling and exhaling.”

“Lindsey, that is hardly an answer.”

“I know, but it’s all I have right now.”

“It will get easier.”

“I don’t see how. The last words Mel and I shared were in anger.”

“What happened?”

“She was giving me a hard time about you. She knew that things were changing. She accused me of being in love with you. The worst thing is that I didn’t tell her she was wrong.”

Lindsey looked into Cait’s hazel eyes and no words were needed. 

***

 

The two women barely made it back to Cait’s apartment before they ravished each other. For Lindsey, it was some kind of surreal dream, Brian Kinney in female form. For Cait, it was finally being with the woman she had been silently in love with from the day they met. No words were spoken as they made their way to the bedroom. The two women spoke their desires with their eyes.

They made love for hours.

Cait awoke the next morning and looked over at Lindsey. The blonde woman in bed with her was the woman of her dreams. Lindsey began to stir. She jolted awake and looked at Cait.

“Oh, my god!”

“Linds, what’s wrong?”

“This isn’t right.” The blonde jumped out of bed, “This shouldn’t have happened. I’m sorry.”

Lindsey grabbed her clothes and ran out.

***  
Brian and Justin brought Gus to the diner for breakfast. Debbie fussed over them as usual. She was so proud of Brian. Peter Pan had finally grown up. In fact, she had a hard time seeing the old “Brian Kinney” in the man that sat before her now.

“So boys, what will it be?”

“Pancakes gramma, pancakes!!”

“Well, he certainly has Sunshine’s appetite.”

Brian just smirked. At that moment, Cait walked in looking like death warmed over. Brian immediately went to his sister and she fell into his embrace.

“Caitie, what’s wrong?”

The woman was sobbing in her brother’s arms. “Last night, Lindsey and I …”

Brian knew immediately what had happened. “She freaked out, didn’t she?”

“How did you know?”

Brian wasn’t sure how to proceed, “Well … back in college …”

“Oh god …” Cait collapsed into Brian’s arms again.  
*** 

Brian left Cait and Justin with Gus at the diner. He knew that he needed to speak to Lindsey as soon as possible. Cait was worried that the only reason Lindsey felt anything for her was because she was Brian’s twin. He knew that wasn’t true, but he needed to wade through the bullshit to get to the truth.

Brian knocked on Lindsey’s door. When the blonde answered, Brian knew she had been through hell in the last twenty-four hours.

“I figured she would go running to you.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean Lindsey?”

“Look Brian, I fucked up. I fucked your sister. It only makes sense she would go running to you.”

“First of all, that is not what happened. I came here because we need to talk.”

For the first time since she had opened the door, Lindsey seemed to waver, “What is there to talk about?”

“Well, first of all, are your feelings for Cait some fucked up, displaced affection based on your unresolved heterosexual feelings for me?”

“NO! God, no. I admit, Cait coming here awakened some feelings in me about you, but the feelings that I have for her are about her not you.”

“Well, that’s what I assumed, but I am glad to hear it from your mouth. Cait feels horrible. She thinks she took advantage of the situation. She’s worried that your grief made you vulnerable to her.”

Lindsey shook her head, “No, I made love with Cait because I wanted to, but Mel just died, so how can I not feel like shit about what I did.”

“Linds, what was your relationship with Melanie like before Cait came into the picture?”

“We were falling apart. She never truly understood me. She never understood my feelings as an artist. She always thought I should simply be satisfied being her wife, but I couldn’t.”

“Explain it to me.”

“I need to be an artist. I need to create. Mel always thought it was a hobby. Something I could do when I wasn’t taking care of Gus. That’s why I have always been jealous of Justin. That’s why I was so angry when you told me you were going to Paris.”

“Explain.”

“You understood that Justin needed to grow and explore as an artist. You knew that he needed more than Pittsburgh and you were willing to give that him. Mel would never do that. Cait understood.”

Brian pulled out his wallet and began to fish through it. He pulled out a card and handed it to Lindsey. “When you asked me to take Gus, I got this for you. I got it as a way to help you with the expenses, but I want to help you. Get away from here for a while. Take some time to find who you are, who you want to be. Gus will stay with Justin and me. We won’t make any move until you come back.”

Lindsey looked at what Brian had handed her. It was a black American Express card. She looked up into the eyes of one of her best friends. “Bri … I can’t.”

“You can and you will. You are of no use to anyone in your current state. So I want you to go away for a while. Get your head on straight, figuratively speaking, and decide what you want to do. We’ll all be here when you get back.”

“Thank you Bri.”

***   
Brian returned home to Justin and Cait. He explained what he had done for Lindsey. Justin and Cait knew that Brian had done the best thing for one of his oldest friends. The threesome decided to turn their attention towards planning a wedding.

Brian and Justin had spent a lot of time talking about their wedding. Both men had spent time talking about their time in Ireland with the Kinneys. Both men had fallen in love with the hillside behind Bridgit and Seamus’s farm. They decided that it would be the perfect setting for their wedding.

Both men had been on the phone with the Kinneys planning the nuptials. Bridgit told them that she had spoken to their priest and he would perform the ceremony. The only hitch was waiting for Lindsey’s return.

When Lindsey left town, she left full guardianship for Gus to Brian, but he vowed not to make any drastic decisions until Gus’ mother returned. Brian wanted Gus in Ireland with him and Justin for their wedding, but he also wanted Gus as a permanent fixture in his life. Since he and Justin were planning to relocate to Europe, he knew a rough road lay ahead of them.

***

Brian and Justin were lying in each other’s arms, having just made love. “What are you thinking about Bri?”

“What’s going to happen when Lindsey comes home? I want Gus with us.”

“I know you do.” 

“So how the fuck do we work this out? Lindsey will never let us take Gus away … to Paris.”

“Bri … how dumb do you think I am? Since we’ve been planning the wedding, I know you don’t want to go to Paris …”

“I told you, I would go with you to Paris …”

“But you don’t want to … you want to go to Ireland.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You want to be with your family. You want to be near Bridgit and Seamus. You want the family that you have been denied.”

Brian still couldn’t believe how well Justin could read him. “I told you, we will go to Paris so you can study the masters.”

Justin snuggled up to his lover, “I want to go to Ireland. I want to be with our family. I want you to be with your parents. I think we will be really happy there.”

Brian couldn’t believe what Justin was telling him. “Are you sure?”

“Surer than I’ve ever been about anything.”

“I love you Sunshine.”

Justin gently caressed his lover’s face, “I know.”

***  
Lindsey was gone for six weeks. She spent that time at a bed and breakfast in Maine. There were so many thoughts swirling in her head. Rationally, she knew that her marriage to Mel was heading for a disaster; however, she never expected their marriage to end by death.

Then there was Cait. Cait was the answer to her dreams. She loved Brian deeply and always felt that he was her soul mate. She could never understand what seemed off. Now she knew; her soul mate was not Brian but his twin. It was Cait her heart was reaching out to.

She was truly terrified about where her future lies. Based on her talks with Cait, she knew her lover planned to return to Ireland. Cait only came to America to find Brian and now that she had her return to Ireland had to be imminent. Now Brian was planning to move to Paris with Justin. Gus would be devastated. First, he lost Mel and now it looked like he was going to lose Brian too. It was time to return to Pittsburgh and talk to the Kinney siblings.

*** 

Cait was sitting alone in her apartment. She was looking at some of the pictures her parents had e-mailed her of the hills behind their home. She wanted to show them to Brian and Justin. It was going to be a beautiful setting for a wedding.

Cait was so happy that Brian and Justin had found their way back to each other. The two men belonged together. She knew it was time to go home. The only thing that kept her from being happy about returning home was Lindsey. The blonde artist was the other half of her soul. She believed that with every inch of her being. 

A knock at the door brought her out of her thoughts. She was surprised to find Lindsey standing on the other side.

“Lindsey!”

“Hi Cait, can I come in?”

“Umm … sure … come on in.”

Lindsey made her way into the small apartment. She was terribly nervous, but knew what she had to do. “There are some things I need to say to you, and I just need you to listen.”

“Ok.”

“First of all, Melanie and I were having problems long before I ever met you. I don’t think we were ever going to make it. The problems we had went way to deep. She never truly understood me. She always thought my art was cute, simply a hobby that I could use to occupy my time when I wasn’t being a mom. That’s one of the reasons I was so jealous of Justin. Brian always understood the artist in him. Brian deciding to move to Paris proves that. He understands what Justin needs to fulfill his soul as an artist and Brian is willing to give that to them. That’s part of why I always fixated on Brian. I knew there was something wrong though. There was such a connection between us, but something was always missing. I realize now what that was. It was you. I was in love with Brian because I was in love with you, even though I didn’t know that you existed. You can’t imagine what went through my heart when I met you, and believe me, it’s not a fixation on the lesbian version of Brian Kinney. I love you. I need to be with you. But now I’m so torn. I feel like my life and my family is being torn apart.” Lindsey choked back a sob.

Cait took the sobbing woman in her arms. “Why Lindsey, why do you feel like your family is being torn apart?”

Lindsey looked into the hazel eyes of the woman she loved, “Because all of you are leaving. You’re going back to Ireland. Brian and Justin are going to Paris. Gus and I will be left here all alone. God, how can I keep Gus from his father?” Lindsey began to sob again.

Cait simply held Lindsey in her arms. “You’re only part right my love.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, we have been waiting for you to come back to tell you what’s going on. Yes, I am going back to Ireland. It’s my home. Brian and Justin are moving to Ireland. Brian needs to live in the homeland of his ancestors. He needs to be with his true family. The family that would have loved him if they were given the chance. What we’ve been waiting for is your decision. All three of us want you to come to Ireland with us. Brian wants to be Gus’s father. His parental rights were reinstated upon Melanie’s death, but he would never try and take Gus from you. I know the family that you were born into doesn’t accept the life you have chosen. Come and be a part of our family. I’ve told my parents about you and they want to meet you. They want their children and their grandson with them.”

“Cait, I do love you, but how can I do this? I still feel so disloyal to Melanie. We may have had our problems, but she was still my wife.”

Cait pulled out an envelope and handed it to Lindsey. “Melanie left a letter for Brian when she died. Inside that letter was one addressed to you. She instructed Brian to give it to you when the time was right. He gave it to me.”

Lindsey looked at the envelope addressed to her in Melanie’s elegant script. She slowly opened the envelope.

Dear Lindsey,

This is very difficult for me to write, but if you are reading this it means that I am gone. The last year or so has been very difficult for us. I knew that we were on a collision course for disaster. We were heading in different directions. I also know that you would never dishonor our marriage vows, but I have begun to believe that the choice will be taken away from us. If you are reading this, the choice has been made.

I love you and I know that you love me. You have given me so much joy these last ten years and I will never regret them, and although you are my beshert, my beloved, I know that I am not yours. Your beshert has hazel eyes and an Irish baroque. The moment Cait walked into our lives I knew that our days were numbered. I was sad, but never angry.

Now I am gone and there’s one thing I want you to do for me. Live and love. Raise Gus in a way that will make his Mema proud. I will be watching over the two of you.

Love always,

Mel

Cait held Lindsey for hours while she cried.

*** 

Six Months Later

The family stood on a hilltop in Ireland as Brian and Justin took their vows. The Kinney/Taylor/Peterson family had moved to Ireland three months earlier. Bridgit and Seamus were thrilled to have their children home, all of them. They welcomed Lindsey as openly as they had welcomed Brian and Justin. Gus brought a joy into their lives that no one was expecting.

Brian flourished being a part of a family that loved and welcomed him. It was the kind of acceptance that he had always dreamed of. Bridgit was the mother to him that Joan could never have been and Seamus was the mentor he always wished Jack could have been.

Justin and Lindsey loved exploring the lush green hills. Every day they would pack up their art supplies and set out for hours. The two friends became even closer. Since Lindsey found Cait she was no longer jealous of Justin.

Lindsey was initially reluctant to move out of the country, but when she saw Brian with Gus she knew that she couldn’t keep them apart. Despite her fears, she agreed to the move. There was nothing left for her in Pittsburgh, so she agreed to follow her heart and her family.

Lindsey and Cait were not ready to get married, but they knew it was only a matter of time. Today, however, was for Brian and Justin.

Bridgit and Seamus’s priest was officiating, “It is my understanding that Brian and Justin have written their own vows.”

Justin went first. “Brian … today we are entering a phase in our lives that I never thought we would get to. There were so many times when I would hold on and you would let go and times when you would hold on when I let go and somewhere along the way we both stopped letting go. There are so many things I could say that would sound ridiculously romantic …” Justin paused and smiled at Brian, “ … but one thing that you taught me is that real life doesn’t have a happily ever after and although that was a hard lesson I’m grateful for it. What I will promise you is that I will love you until the day that I die and every day that I wake up with you I will re-commit to our marriage and re-commit to you. So my promise to you is that every day I will marry you again in my heart and that will last until the day I die.”

Brian felt his heart fill with Justin’s words, “Sunshine, you have taught me that love exists. Until I met you, I truly believed it was just a sentiment that people would throw around. All the times you stood by me, even in the hardest of times showed me how much you love me. I’ve watched you grow from a starry eyed teenager to a strong and devoted man. I wish that we didn’t have to go through all the hard times that we did, but I know those times made us stronger. There are many times we could have given up but you wouldn’t let me and I wouldn’t let you. So I stand here today in front of our family and promise that I will love you until the day I die. I look forward to all the adventures that are yet to come and I can’t wait to experience them with you. I want to thank you for my sister and for my parents because I wouldn’t have them if it wasn’t for you. You are the strongest man that I know and I will spend everyday proving to you that you made the right choice. I owe my entire life to you and I thank God that he saw fit to bring you into my life. I love you and today is the first day that I get to commit myself to you and I will continue to do so until the day I die.”

By the time Brian was finished with his vows, everyone had tears in their eyes. Father O’Kennedy took the moment to finish the ceremony, “What God hath brought together let no man put asunder. Gentleman, before your family and friends I am proud to present you as Brian and Justin Kinney-Taylor.”


End file.
